Reply to Wives, how often is perfect for you in terms of sex frequency?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Lots of low/high incompatibility in this thread; seems a shame.  
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I have a hypothesis that marriage causes small imbalances to be large ones. Being the lower libido one means that you'll be the recipient of at least occasional unwanted advances. At first, it's no big deal -- the imbalance isn't that big, so the unwanted advance isn't that frequent. But, it makes you just a little less likely to want sex -- that leads to a greater frequency of times when the advance is unwanted. And it snowballs. You don't initiate because eventually there is no time to recharge your battery. The resentments grow.

On the high libido side, at first the rejections are no big deal. There's always tomorrow night. But then the rejections accumulate -- you start being unsure about when you'll be able to have sex again. That makes you want it more. Acceptance of your sexual advances become intertwined with your feelings about whether your spouse loves you, finds you attractive, etc. Then you notice she never initiates -- that's proof that she doesn't find you attractive. Your sexual initiations become more tentative -- nonsexual interactions become less loving. That leads to less and less sex. And on and on.

So, what started as mildly mismatched libidos become wildly mismatched libidos. [/quote]

Wow, you have perfectly described what happened in our marriage.  It's spiraling down, not sure my wife realizes how bad but I don't know if we have a future together.[/quote]

I totally agree.  I think sexual compatibility may be the most important aspect to consider when deciding on marriage.  My first husband and I were not and marriage failed quickly.  Second time around I made sure we were on the same page.  It's sad but I don't think many people realize this when marrying.  [/quote]

But life happens....pregnancy, kids, demanding jobs, health issues, menopause, etc.  You cannot predict the future.  When I first went through menopause, sex was horrible.  It was painful and my hot flashes were so bad, I’d feel like I was being smothered.  But at no time did my love for my husband change.  He was patient, and things are much better.  I just don’t see how you can be sure you will stay sexually compatible.  But thank goodness, sex isn’t the biggest part of marriage.  [/quote]

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