Reply to my wife's thin skin

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How long has your wife been in this country? If over 5 years, I’m not sure cultural differences can explain the divide.
OP - how often do these lapses in judgement occur? Once every six months- not a big deal. Once a month - get into joint counseling ASAP.[/quote]

Over 10 years in this country.

I'd say we average around one significant communication breakdown every 6 months. That track record isn't bad, I suppose ... maybe better than many couples. But the fact that communication seems completely impossible during these situations really concerns me. It is like an eclipse occurs, completely blocking out the sun.

[b]Sometimes, during these situations, I don't think she is actually processing what I am saying. It is kind of like a tennis match in which I hit the ball to the left side of the court, but she runs over the right side of the court to hit a non-existent ball. I then have to tell her that, well, no, I actually hit the ball to the left side of the court, not the right.[/b]

My wife's listening skills seem below average. I don't mean just with me ... I mean with everybody she interacts with. A person might relate a story to her, quite clearly, and she will ask the person a question that was already answered in a minute earlier in the conversation. I recall once a situation in which a mutual friend relayed a recipe for baking bread, and my wife followed this up by asking for the recipe. I don't quite understand how you can stand face-to-face with somebody and not hear them, but it seems to happen periodically with my wife ... not all of the time, but just enough that it seems to be part of a pattern. I'm not sure if this is a factor that feeds into the communication breakdowns that occur in our marriage.

My wife's English is excellent, so the language is not a barrier, just in case you were wondering. So the root of the problem lies elsewhere. Yes yes yes, I get that I might be contributing to the problem. But I'm not quite sure how. I communicate politely and gently with my wife, and I do not yell. I listen. I try to understand her point of view. But something goes badly wrong now and then and I can't understand why.

[/quote]

Considering you're doing the same thing over and over again in this thread ("No, that's not what I said!" when it was actually [i]exactly [/i]what you just wrote), the problem is not your wife.  It's you.[/quote]

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