Reply to Great life, great wife, but I'm unhappy

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You're not telling her because you want to be the one who gets to decide if the marriage breaks up. At least be honest with yourself.

If you tell her about all of these feelings, she may decide that doing most of the work of raising the kids and giving you space and maintaining the marriage is no longer worth it. You know you've got a good deal here, and you don't want to risk it. Your narrative has always been that you're the one who leaves. Maybe that's why you said "yes" to her ultimatum: it meant that she knew you were marrying her against your druthers, and that she was basically agreeing to be the one who would make it worth your while.

As everyone has told you, your depression is not under control. Find a psychiatrist to solve that problem first.[/quote]

This is extremely well said. People who walk away from their marriages do so because they feel like they'd be happier alone than with their current partner. You actually don't feel like that - you're just wondering "what if" because you're depressed, and are desperately searching for the "fix" that will make that depression go away. If you don't address that now, you will not be happy either in your marriage or out of it. Once you realize and accept that, you will allow yourself to take the necessary steps (seek different/more treatment, confide in your wife so that you can both work on re-connecting, etc) and only then will you find peace. The thing is... all that sounds simple but it isn't. But I'm the PP who said that my STBXDH says exactly the same things you are saying in this thread... and he is not happier without me. He couldn't figure out how to be happy with me either, so he projected the blame onto our marriage. It's human nature. So now he has to figure out what the real cause is... and unfortunately, our life together is ruined and we both are starting over because he didn't figure that out quickly enough. [b]The first step is admitting it - it's difficult to accept that the blame doesn't fall on your wife or kids or lifestyle, but that it falls to an illness you cannot control on your own. But you need to start there. [/b][/quote]

SO TRUE.  the asshole husband.com website demonstrates this in full.  Too little too late. [/quote]

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