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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am confused by this thread and by general conversation in this forum. People talk about sex with spouses as if it is another chore, like taking trash out or taking kids to school. They talk in terms of outcomes. If you give your spouse sex you will keep your marriage. If you don't give your spouse sex you will end up cheated on or divorced.
What about feelings? I mean how can you have satisfying sex without deep intimacy, connectedness, giddy feelings, excitement?
I married later in life to a husband 8 years younger than me. [b]If we don't feel like having sex for a week or two or even a month we are totally ok[/b]. We don't obsess over sex. We have sex when we feel deeply connected. I guess I don't know how else to have sex...
[/quote]

First, there are lots of people who are having satisfying sex without deep emotional connections. This is probably more of a thing with people who don't know each other very well. Novelty has a way of making sex fun without much in the way of an emotional connection.

Second, if you're both cool with the amount of sex you're having or not having, then that's great. I assume that means neither of you feel deprived and that both of you do things to communicate love & attraction to one another in a nonsexual way. If you know the sexual frequency will bounce back, that you can have sex when you want it -- or soon thereafter, and that your significant other will dig it when you get around to having sex again; then stretches without sex are no big deal. It's when the libido mismatch is more structural and permanent that one or both partners become miserable. The high libido spouse feels unloved and like (s)he is now doomed to a lifetime of sexual frustration. The lack of sex makes the high libido spouse fixate on the issue of sex and want it even more. The low libido spouse feels pressured, objectified, and inadequate; and the anxiety lowers his/her libido even more. It's a miserable downward spiral. [/quote]

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