Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this interesting. I would never cheat on DH. However, no one has anyone ever expressed any interest in cheating with me or starting an affair with me. Is it really that common?

Men hit on me because I project that kind of energy. I can get a guy to give me his contact info with just an intense gaze. If you seem receptive and reasonably feminine men will respond. It's a numbers game and those who want to get laid have to play.

Please teach me how to do this. I want to use it in job interviews so I can get a job I like. I also want to use it on my MIL so I get what I want from her.

Is MIL a lesbian?
It might get you a "2nd interview" but that "2nd interview" may come with expectations.

Thread started out as an admonishment of cheaters by the OP...

12 pages later people are giving tips/advice on how to improve their chances of finding someone to cheat with.

Classic DCUM.

Anonymous wrote:I am confused by this thread and by general conversation in this forum. People talk about sex with spouses as if it is another chore, like taking trash out or taking kids to school. They talk in terms of outcomes. If you give your spouse sex you will keep your marriage. If you don't give your spouse sex you will end up cheated on or divorced.
What about feelings? I mean how can you have satisfying sex without deep intimacy, connectedness, giddy feelings, excitement?
I married later in life to a husband 8 years younger than me. If we don't feel like having sex for a week or two or even a month we are totally ok. We don't obsess over sex. We have sex when we feel deeply connected. I guess I don't know how else to have sex...

First, there are lots of people who are having satisfying sex without deep emotional connections. This is probably more of a thing with people who don't know each other very well. Novelty has a way of making sex fun without much in the way of an emotional connection.

Second, if you're both cool with the amount of sex you're having or not having, then that's great. I assume that means neither of you feel deprived and that both of you do things to communicate love & attraction to one another in a nonsexual way. If you know the sexual frequency will bounce back, that you can have sex when you want it -- or soon thereafter, and that your significant other will dig it when you get around to having sex again; then stretches without sex are no big deal. It's when the libido mismatch is more structural and permanent that one or both partners become miserable. The high libido spouse feels unloved and like (s)he is now doomed to a lifetime of sexual frustration. The lack of sex makes the high libido spouse fixate on the issue of sex and want it even more. The low libido spouse feels pressured, objectified, and inadequate; and the anxiety lowers his/her libido even more. It's a miserable downward spiral.

Please teach me how to avoid becoming a powerless slave as a result of falling under the GAZE. Help us, might PP. You are our only hope.

Um, help. I have trying to use the GAZE all afternoon and the thugs from HR are on their way to see me. Must be a gender specific thing.

If you appear standoffish or harried, no one is going to bother approaching you. It really is about giving off an approachable vibe and demeanor; and I think that this is something that can be leveraged in professional and non-romantic settings.

It could be the bolded. I'm a friendly person and not standoffish, but tend to take on too many activities and too much work, and then feel overwhelmed and harried.

I wonder if I'm just unattractive because absolutely no married men ever express interest in me. At all. I'm 41 and slender. I know this is horribly immature but I have zero interest in actually having an affair. I just want someone to be interested in me so that I can feel flattered and say no thanks.


I’m guessing you didn’t date much before marriage either. But look. There will always be an interested male. Somewhere.

I would say I dated a moderate amount. More serious boyfriends than random dates. It isn't worth putting in much effort to look when I just want someone to ask or express interest so that I can turn them down. I just want attention, not an affair.

Anonymous wrote:

Married woman here. Married men express interest, with varying degrees of directness, at least a couple of times per month. About two months ago I met a man out walking my dog in my neighborhood. He said hello and introduced himself. He was wearing a sweatshirt from my alma mater. I observed I went there, completely without agenda. We chatted briefly. Our lines of work came up. Two days later he emails-- he'd found my work bio on line and wanted to say hello and hoped he runs into me, maybe coffee next time. He had a wedding band and was probably within a block of his home when he first chatted me up.

Married. Men. Do. This.

I wonder if I'm just unattractive because absolutely no married men ever express interest in me. At all. I'm 41 and slender. I know this is horribly immature but I have zero interest in actually having an affair. I just want someone to be interested in me so that I can feel flattered and say no thanks.

Do you have Resting B#tch Face (RBF)? If you are slender and generically attractive, then there must be something that is making men hesitant to approach you. Frankly, I'm much more likely to strike up a random conversation with someone who is smiling, has open body language, holds eye contact, and generally just seems outgoing. If you appear standoffish or harried, no one is going to bother approaching you. It really is about giving off an approachable vibe and demeanor; and I think that this is something that can be leveraged in professional and non-romantic settings.

Of course, no normal guy is going to straight up proposition you. I doubt you will be put in the position of having to say "Thanks for the offer, but no, I will not have sex with you." But they will, however, flirt with you, hold direct eye contact, and perhaps ask you to coffee.

Anonymous wrote:I am confused by this thread and by general conversation in this forum. People talk about sex with spouses as if it is another chore, like taking trash out or taking kids to school. They talk in terms of outcomes. If you give your spouse sex you will keep your marriage. If you don't give your spouse sex you will end up cheated on or divorced.
What about feelings? I mean how can you have satisfying sex without deep intimacy, connectedness, giddy feelings, excitement?
I married later in life to a husband 8 years younger than me. If we don't feel like having sex for a week or two or even a month we are totally ok. We don't obsess over sex. We have sex when we feel deeply connected. I guess I don't know how else to have sex...

I have sex when I feel deeply connected too. With DH that hasn't been the case for at least two years

Anonymous wrote:I am confused by this thread and by general conversation in this forum. People talk about sex with spouses as if it is another chore, like taking trash out or taking kids to school. They talk in terms of outcomes. If you give your spouse sex you will keep your marriage. If you don't give your spouse sex you will end up cheated on or divorced.
What about feelings? I mean how can you have satisfying sex without deep intimacy, connectedness, giddy feelings, excitement?
I married later in life to a husband 8 years younger than me. If we don't feel like having sex for a week or two or even a month we are totally ok. We don't obsess over sex. We have sex when we feel deeply connected. I guess I don't know how else to have sex...

I’ve had plenty of satisfying sex with zero intimacy. It’s just raw sex. Btw. There are plenty of married couples who have regular sex and one or both parties cheat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am confused by this thread and by general conversation in this forum. People talk about sex with spouses as if it is another chore, like taking trash out or taking kids to school. They talk in terms of outcomes. If you give your spouse sex you will keep your marriage. If you don't give your spouse sex you will end up cheated on or divorced.
What about feelings? I mean how can you have satisfying sex without deep intimacy, connectedness, giddy feelings, excitement?
I married later in life to a husband 8 years younger than me. If we don't feel like having sex for a week or two or even a month we are totally ok. We don't obsess over sex. We have sex when we feel deeply connected. I guess I don't know how else to have sex...

Very few normals here pp. I'm with you

Thank you I was starting to feel weird for not wanting mechanical sex.

Anonymous wrote:I am confused by this thread and by general conversation in this forum. People talk about sex with spouses as if it is another chore, like taking trash out or taking kids to school. They talk in terms of outcomes. If you give your spouse sex you will keep your marriage. If you don't give your spouse sex you will end up cheated on or divorced.
What about feelings? I mean how can you have satisfying sex without deep intimacy, connectedness, giddy feelings, excitement?
I married later in life to a husband 8 years younger than me. If we don't feel like having sex for a week or two or even a month we are totally ok. We don't obsess over sex. We have sex when we feel deeply connected. I guess I don't know how else to have sex...

Very few normals here pp. I'm with you

please teach me how to do this. I want to use it in job interviews so I can get a job I like. I also want to use it on my MIL so I get what I want from her.

Please teach me how to avoid becoming a powerless slave as a result of falling under the GAZE. Help us, might PP. You are our only hope.

Data is not the plural of anecdote.

Replace "choosing to forego sex for the next 6 years" if you'd like.

Oh come on like half of 30 year olds right now have divorced parents. Most of our lives weren't ruined. And this was divorce in the days when no one was talking about ways to do it right to protect the children and moms were always given custody.

And I personally think that choosing to forego sex for 6 years is a totally reasonable price to pay if you think your children's lives will literally be ruined. And I take issue with you dinging me on that as my entire problem with this poster is that they are hyperbolic and dramatic and using it to justify their decisions. I am using that poster (your?) language, not my own.

I am confused by this thread and by general conversation in this forum. People talk about sex with spouses as if it is another chore, like taking trash out or taking kids to school. They talk in terms of outcomes. If you give your spouse sex you will keep your marriage. If you don't give your spouse sex you will end up cheated on or divorced.
What about feelings? I mean how can you have satisfying sex without deep intimacy, connectedness, giddy feelings, excitement?
I married later in life to a husband 8 years younger than me. If we don't feel like having sex for a week or two or even a month we are totally ok. We don't obsess over sex. We have sex when we feel deeply connected. I guess I don't know how else to have sex...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this interesting. I would never cheat on DH. However, no one has anyone ever expressed any interest in cheating with me or starting an affair with me. Is it really that common?

Men hit on me because I project that kind of energy. I can get a guy to give me his contact info with just an intense gaze. If you seem receptive and reasonably feminine men will respond. It's a numbers game and those who want to get laid have to play.

Please teach me how to do this. I want to use it in job interviews so I can get a job I like. I also want to use it on my MIL so I get what I want from her.

Sorry but I know what this woman is talking about and it only works regarding men and sex. I wish it worked on jobs and others but no - it’s a stare that says “I like to f***”.