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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Why do children of a first marriage get priority over the spousal relationship in a second marriage?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I see there's some very bitter people on here. Kids are not more important per se. In a good situation, everyone would work together to make sure the kids have what they need. That would include step parents. Too often though, one parent or the other is busy trying to punish their ex, using the kids. Or figuring out how to make the ex pay financially and emotionally. [b]Step parents can play a very important role in their kids' lives. This whole attitude of "it's none of your business if you're the second wife" is ridiculous.[/b] By the way, what about the new husband? If he's the higher earner in the marriage does he have a say how money is spent? Is he contributing to the kids' upbringing? Or is it only the step mother who is to be punished for the entirety of her marriage? I have a friend whose step kids could be facing an absolutely devastating change in their lives. Their mother is fighting cancer, and not doing well. It could very well be that they will be living with dad and step mom full time. (Right now it's 50/50). If my friend were to take the attitude that the kids were none of her business, how would this be handled?[/quote] I'm one of the PP that said the new wife doesn't get a say and I want to revise that statement. If it has become a contest between kids and new spouse, then I think it up to the parent of the child to put the child first because it's a kid that can't fend for themselves. I'm talking about the situation like the one when they bought a new house and the new wife wanted to reduce the child support by $300. Or the poster that mentioned being "Jim's kids from his former marriage" that have been erased from his new life. If all along the new spouse has the step-kid's best interest in mind and considers them "our kids" then then I do think they have a say and assuming the new wife and dad are on the same page with parenting it is a non-issue. Where I've seen the divide is when the step-mom and dad have different parenting ideas - the kids they share are treated one way and the step kids another and step mom isn't going to fight for step kids the way she would for her own. [/quote]
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