Reply to I just don't like my husband anymore

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "I just don't like my husband anymore"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I found this post while searching "I don't like my husband anymore" in Google, and I just read through all 11 pages, including all of the updates from the OP over several years. It was interesting to read, as I'm in about the same place chronologically as you are, OP (had kids around the same time as you did, and they are now close to the same ages as yours).

I don't have any answers or advice for you really, just wanted to chime in that you're not alone in disliking your husband and feeling dissatisfied with your marriage while you have young kids. My husband and I had a great relationship before we had kids - we liked each other a lot, we were extremely compatible, we wanted the same things, and we were the couple that all our friends wanted to be like. My husband absolutely adored me (and still does) and I felt (and still feel) very secure with him. Knowing that the would never betray me was and still is everything to me given a lot of things from my past, and is a primary reason I married him and stay married to him. But it doesn't make the marriage perfect.

With that said, kids have been hard on our marriage. We love them so much, we are both great and extremely loving and dedicated parents, and we have definitely shifted the focus in our lives almost entirely to them. They are wonderful, loving, happy children -  it has just been hard on our marriage, and the kids leave us with virtually no time for each other or ourselves.

Like you, often every single thing my husband does annoys me. He's an only child, and I find him intolerable at times - narcissistic, immature, selfish, weak. He's a big complainer, he acts like he deserves a medal for pretty much everything he does (and he does do a lot - we share household and childcare duties quite evenly). However, I never complain, I am mature, I don't act like I deserve anything for all I do, and I often feel as though I deserve so much better than my husband. I daydream about being with someone who's more like I am - a strong, selfless, giving, mature, and capable person.

At the same time, I feel stuck. I guess I still love him, though I'm not sure, and I know I often don't *like* him. My mom was a single parent, and I know I could do it and do it well. However, I don't want to break up our family, my husband is a great dad, my kids adore him, he begs me to stay and he claims he is very in love with me (I've mentioned divorce many times over the years and he won't hear of it), and we have a very nice life together - beautiful home, good social life, nice vacations as a family, and pretty compatible philosophies when it comes to raising our children. I think that some of our friends actually believe we're the perfect couple, and I'd imagine that most people think we have a good marriage.

We still enjoy time together alone, when we can get it, and we still have a connection to each other. I enjoy getting away with just him and it helps me feel connected to him again and reminds me of why we're together.

But most of the time, on a day-to-day basis, I just don't like him. I am sick of everything being all about him, I'm tired of trying to help him work on himself and be less narcissistic. I'm tired of being with a spouse who has virtually no compassion, empathy, or concern for me or my feelings (this is typical of people with narcissism - they feel no empathy for others, and it SUCKS being married to someone like this, regardless of all their other wonderful traits, because you and your feelings basically don't even exist in their world). I don't really respect him and I don't think he's a particularly great person in general. He's objectively a good person, but he's not someone I really respect or admire. He's kind, and he's a great dad, he's a faithful husband, and I know he loves me and would do anything for me and to keep us together...but that's kind of where it ends for me. I wish that were enough!

I have no idea what my point is. I guess it's that you aren't alone. I don't think I have any plans to leave my marriage. I don't really believe it would necessarily be better with someone else. When I try to take a step back and be objective, I can see a lot of reasons why I am with my husband and a lot of areas in which we are very compatible and in love. I just wish that I felt consistently happy and I wish it were smoother, easier and that I didn't constantly feel like I'm the responsible, mature parent and he's the third child in a lot of ways.

I did not grow up with married parents, so maybe I just had no idea what marriage would really be like because I didn't grow up observing one. Maybe I picked the wrong person. Maybe we are just in a difficult season in our marriage with very young kids (2 and 5).

Keep us posted on how you're doing. Reading the truth about someone else's marriage is remarkably therapeutic for me. I feel like we are all of us parents with young kids pretending our family lives and marriages are happy and perfect via Facebook and socializing when really, I'd bet the vast, vast majority of us are neutral at best, and unhappy or even miserable at worst.[/quote]

You say this:

"He's kind, and he's a great dad, he's a faithful husband, and I know he loves me and would do anything for me and to keep us together...but that's kind of where it ends for me. I wish that were enough! "

And you claim HE'S the narcissist? And your ego: strong capable etc. Do you have therapist, I recommend one quick.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics