Reply to I just don't like my husband anymore

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I mean this really nicely and with a lot of empathy: grow up. seriously.

You get to be mad, you get to feel disconnected and angry. But as an adult, with 2 kids who depend on you to Do The Right Thing By Them, who depend on you to work hard to make their lives stable, you have no right to wallow in anger, poisoning your marriage while completely blaming your husband for its demise.

You need to either (1) get to counseling/therapy with or without DH or (2) get over it.

Those are your only responsible choices.

The only grievance you have detailed is him not wanting to have sex with you. I've seen the sexless marriage threads here and I understand it can be hard but... are you freaking kidding me? The sex declined temporarily while you were pregnant and had two small kids? You keep saying it "seemed" and "supposed" so you never even talked about it to him and got his opinion? That's enough for you to check out of the marriage? Engage in tit for tat? Destroy your family home?

Are you 12?

I know you will get a lot of sympathetic posts so consider this an alternative strategy" a wake up call. You are heading towards a long painful and miserable breakdown of your marriage. You can either be part of the problem or the solution. Let me guess, you didn't really pay attention to your wedding vows because you were too busy planning what was important to you - The Big Day. [/quote]

Wow!!!  Seriously??  Are you 12?  I'm in my forties, and I certainly understand the challenges of life and family.  However, acting as though "getting over it" is someone's only choice is absurd.  First, though this woman has children, guess what, she counts as a human being, too.  If she's miserable, she only has one life, and she needs to do what it takes for her to be fulfilled and make the most of the gift.  This martyrdom schtick I see tossed about by some women seems psychologically sick to me.

Second, even if you don't comprehend that a mother is still an individual, important human being after they have children (talk about devaluing women), guess what, it's not good or healthy for children, especially little girls, to grow up thinking women don't matter, and that stoically and miserably going through life is the only option.  Children see everything that happens in their parents' lives.  They copy their parents.  Basically, you are saying "be miserable for your kids" and hey, they'll learn to be miserable, too.

I have friends who stayed in miserable marriages "for the kids," and guess what?  It screwed the kids up.  Kids are not idiots.  They know when adults don't love and respect each other, and you can't force love and respect.

Second, you can't make a marriage work.  It takes both parties. Sure, she can go to counseling by herself if her husband refuses to participate, but if he refuses to participate in that, it's likely he's as unwilling to do anything else in the marriage.  That's not a marriage, that's being trapped in a bad social contract. And it's likely that at some point, any sane therapist would ask someone living a totally separate life from their partner, "why are you still with them?"  One party can't do all the work.

I'm truly appalled by this comment. This attitude probably explains the obviously loveless marriages and dysfunctional families  I see around me sometimes. I'm fortunately in a good one, with a partner who makes as much effort as I do, and I don't take it for granted.  That said, if either of us were miserable, we wouldn't stay together. It's bad for everyone.[/quote]

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