Reply to Ex-Wife Won't Stop Coming Into the House

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think at the very least, you need to get a lock on your bedroom door & keep a safe in there, that the kids & mom don't have access to at all when you're not there.

More ideally, I would have your husband be honest and direct with his ex-wife, that due to prior behavior and things going missing, it's just not feasible to continue unsupervised access to the home. Then, talk to the kids and explain that they need to pack thoroughly and coming back to get things won't be an option - [b]what they forget, they will do without. [/b]Changes the locks, install a security system, and have it running when the kids aren't supposed to be in your home. Let the alarm go off on them, let them call you in a panic. It won't happen again.

I would avoid lawyers and all that, given that it would escalate unnecessarily. [/quote]

That is extremely unreasonable and hard on the kids.  Try living in two houses-- I bet you'll forget things sometimes.  And it's not just forgetting, it's unanticipated needs.  What if something in their schedule changes due to circumstances out of their control?  Like what if their soccer game is rescheduled due to weather, so they need their cleats unexpectedly.  You are essentially banning the kids from their own house.  They will resent all their parents and stepmother for letting it come to this, but especially the stepmother for forcing the issue, and as PPs have said, it will likely push them closer to their mother.  [/quote]

The unforeseen changes can be accommodated with a call to dad telling him know to disable to the alarm because you need your cleats. That should be the exception, not the norm. From what OP describes, these kids have "forgotten" something just about everytime they're with mom. They are teenagers and should be able to pack for themselves for a day or two. If they really are so incapable, then sure, help them think through what to pack and help them do it. I didn't have a SAHM or a personal driver available at will to take me back home everytime I forget something for an afterschool activity. None of the divorce friends I knew had to run back to the other house on days they were one parent. This is not normal. Perhaps the mom is egging the kids on, telling them they "forgot" something so let's go hang at dad's house. [/quote]

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