Reply to Is it cruel to lock my toddler in a dark closet for a couple of minutes?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, your child runs your house. As an earlier poster said, this isn't good and your child is crying out for structure! My guess is you and your DH have never set boundaries with your child. And now you're very much in the find out phase of not being an effective parent. I used to teach preschool and saw this so often, and I see it among my neighbors now.

You think you've been trying, but as your posts show, you actually haven't. The Simpsons nailed it with the classic "We've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas!" Your child knows full well that there are no boundaries, no consequences, and no one in charge. Fixing that won't be fun. You needed to be the parents fully in charge from day 1, and bluntly, you utterly failed on that front.

My DS was also a very verbal toddler. But negotiating was never on the table. We tried to never put him in situations where it couldn't be successful--like giving food back when it had just be taken away for throwing. Giving in to struggles over diaper changes or getting in the car seat or whatever DID NOT HAPPEN. We set clear age appropriate expectations and held him to those. We did not engage in battles of wills. We didn't set him up to fail.

I would say we are gentle parents BECAUSE we are authoritative by setting boundaries and expectations and not appeasing our kid with constant negotiations and desperately trying to avoid tantrums and meltdowns in the moment. We can be stern but don't yell, and certainly don't use punishment to scare.

OP, resetting how your household operates so that you are in charge is not going to be easy. You child is used to living in a consequence free environment where he can dictate so much. But you have to change that. Take some parenting classes. Throw out everything you think you know about parenting your child and stop reflexively saying "that won't work for my kid!" to every piece of advice offered. It will more than likely work for your kid, but only if you actually implement it and don't fall back into poor parenting habits. And it will take dedication and work on your part to succeed. Only you can decide if you're willing to actually parent.[/quote]

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