Anonymous wrote:YES, it's cruel.

It's also cruel to threaten to do this!

For God's sake, you're dealing with a small child. Be kind and patient and get some advice on how to teach them self-control. This is a phase and they grow out of it.

You are going to scare that child for life for no good reason!

It's not cruel, but 2.5-years-old seems young for this. This would be more appropriate for a 4 or 5-year-old.

YES, it's cruel.

It's also cruel to threaten to do this!

For God's sake, you're dealing with a small child. Be kind and patient and get some advice on how to teach them self-control. This is a phase and they grow out of it.

You are going to scare that child for life for no good reason!

OP, your child runs your house. As an earlier poster said, this isn't good and your child is crying out for structure! My guess is you and your DH have never set boundaries with your child. And now you're very much in the find out phase of not being an effective parent. I used to teach preschool and saw this so often, and I see it among my neighbors now.

You think you've been trying, but as your posts show, you actually haven't. The Simpsons nailed it with the classic "We've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas!" Your child knows full well that there are no boundaries, no consequences, and no one in charge. Fixing that won't be fun. You needed to be the parents fully in charge from day 1, and bluntly, you utterly failed on that front.

My DS was also a very verbal toddler. But negotiating was never on the table. We tried to never put him in situations where it couldn't be successful--like giving food back when it had just be taken away for throwing. Giving in to struggles over diaper changes or getting in the car seat or whatever DID NOT HAPPEN. We set clear age appropriate expectations and held him to those. We did not engage in battles of wills. We didn't set him up to fail.

I would say we are gentle parents BECAUSE we are authoritative by setting boundaries and expectations and not appeasing our kid with constant negotiations and desperately trying to avoid tantrums and meltdowns in the moment. We can be stern but don't yell, and certainly don't use punishment to scare.

OP, resetting how your household operates so that you are in charge is not going to be easy. You child is used to living in a consequence free environment where he can dictate so much. But you have to change that. Take some parenting classes. Throw out everything you think you know about parenting your child and stop reflexively saying "that won't work for my kid!" to every piece of advice offered. It will more than likely work for your kid, but only if you actually implement it and don't fall back into poor parenting habits. And it will take dedication and work on your part to succeed. Only you can decide if you're willing to actually parent.

Anonymous wrote:and before anyone comes at me for abuse - DS is extremely well loved and secure toddler. Our frustration is he is perhaps too confident and knows he can walk all over us. We do try replacement behavior, redirecting, the usual parenting suggestions, but often it does not work. Here's another example of something that happens nightly. DS starts banging on the table during mealtime or throwing food. We take away his plate.

DS: I want my food back!
DH: Why did dada take ita way?
DS: Because I hit the table
DH: Are you going to stop if I give it back to you?
DS: Yes.
We give it back. 2 minutes later destructive behavior returns.
DH: Dinner is over (takes away his plate, removes him from table)
DS: I want my food!
DH: Why did I take it away?
DS: Because I be mean.

*repeats*

You are sick and you need help
Get parenting classes now you are horribly mentally unstable

Anonymous wrote:Leaving a toddler who is aware what's happening in a dark closet by themselves

Leaving an infant under 1 in a dark room by themselves wailing for their caregiver. Communicating the only way they know how. Not able to manipulate.

These are different how? How are we appalled at the discipline for a 2 year old but this is okay for an infant who hasn't done anything wrong and has no idea why or what is happening.

Frequent night wakings suck but you signed up for this as a parent. They are protective to sids. Be angry at the system that requires two hhi. The lack of mat leave for a year and the rest of it but pls don't justify true cio/extinction for anything else that cruelty so you can get a full night sleep

Americans are so extreme about everything. Sleep training is pretty common in Denmark where I’m from and we have great maternity/paternity leave, probably one of the best in the world. No one thinks sleep training is cruel.