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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We just had our second child and are starting to feel some financial pressures. We have been comfortable but I’d like to be a little more budget conscious. To that end DW and I sat down to examine our monthly spending and I am surprised at how much she spends on a routine basis. When I ask her to cut back she said all of this is “normal” spending for a woman her age. Of course I’m aware women’s things tend to cost more but she spends so much more than I do and I wonder how common this is. For example she spends -

200/month gym membership
100/month on two manicures / pedicures
200 every 3-4 months on hair cuts 
200-300 every couple months on skin products 
Once a year massage or spa , around 200
Every couple of months I see 300-600 on the credit card for clothes, she says some of this gets returned and that she needs more clothes recently due to size changes of having two kids in past 4 years
Once or twice a year she makes a bigger purchase between 500-1000, could be bag, jewelry, shoes, clothing. It’s usually a birthday or anniversary gift.  
50-100 /month on coffee or lunch - this is just for her , not family take out or eating out 
She also likes to buy clothes frequently for the kids but I’ll leave that out. 
These are the main recurring categories we identified.

In comparison, I spend 60/month on the gym, rarely buy clothes or personal products, and spend less than 100 a year on haircuts.

Current HHI is 250k. We live in Bethesda. I think it’s important to add she stopped working after we had our first kid. Our HHI was 450k when she was working. She does plan to go back to work after the second kid goes to preschool around 2 or 3 but we are not sure she will go back to the same salary level.

She’s a wonderful, engaged mother and I do appreciate that she always looks really good. She does a lot around the house too and for our general family life logistics and planning. I don’t want to micromanage her spending. We can afford it but I’d like her to cut down at least while we are on one income so we can save more at the end of each month. What would be a reasonable ask here? How much are other women of similar HHI spending on a monthly basis?

[/quote]

I'm a DW and don't spend anywhere near this amount on beauty/upkeep. I make about 450K and DH makes $200K, and it seems like a lot. When we were on only one income bc I was home with the kids, I spent pretty much nothing because we were on a budget. I cut gym membership to run outside and workout at home. Mani/pedi were a pipe dream.

OP, it sounds like you and DW have very different spending habits. IF she has savings and is spending from her own money, you cannot say much. However, if she is spending from joint account perhaps you two should sit down and figure out what your spending/savings goals are. Set a monthly limit for both of you/household and let her spend on whatever up to that ceiling.

DH and I are not big spenders so we've never had an argument on this point in 17 years. [/quote]

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