Reply to My wife thinks I need to see a therapist, I think I'm aware of my problems

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The point of therapy is not to make you more aware of your issues, it's to help find strategies to address them and not just have your family be a dumping ground for them. Grow up, find a therapist and stop being ok with being a jerk to your wife and kids, even if you know you're being one.[/quote]

Yeah, but I’m not okay with being a jerk to them and when I am, I’m aware of it and try not to do it. I guess that’s the thing I’m asking - why is there an assumption that I’m okay with anything and what is a therapist going to tell me, a mildly self aware person with a sense of right and wrong, is not going to already know?[/quote]

Because if you've not figured out a way to get your kids out of the house without losing your shit, then you don't know or if you do, you've not actually figured out how to actually do it. So get some help and accept that you've not sorted it out[/quote]

People who say getting kids out of the house in the morning is not stressful and something you can easily lose your cool over are liars. The question is WHY are they lying? Maybe therapy would help them?[/quote]
In my case, I made the decision -long before having kids- that I would never yell at or lose patience with my children. Just took it right off the menu of potential responses to the stress of parenting. I married a like minded dh and we have older teens now. Neither of us has ever yelled at, hit or lost our patience with the kids -and they were challenging af for a variety of reasons. We now have kids who are able to regulate their emotions, who feel secure and loved and who woukd do anything we ask of them. Conversly, my dh and I both suffered profound neglect and abuse in childhood. One of us had therapy, the other hasn't felt a need from it. We've both been excellent parents, if I so say so myself.[/quote]

I flatly don’t believe you’ve never lost your patience with your children.[/quote]

Agreed. I also don't know a single parent who ever decided that yelling at their kids and losing their temper when things got challenging was going to be the plan.

I'm sure there are some cold-blooded parents who do that, but I think to be able to never actually yell at your kids requires a similar type of sociopathy that would also allow you to intentionally yell at them. [/quote]
Yelling at them was never an option. In a frustrating situation, I stay calm. On the rare occasions I felt anger surfacing, I walked away. This was standard from my kids' earliest days. They knew that when I walked away, they needed to get their act together and did so. If they were unable to, then I understood they needed something more. Patience, empathy and compassion go a long way with children.[/quote]

I know adults like you in some very dysfunctional relationships. In fact, kids need to learn about anger, that it's not the end of the world, that it doesn't mean you're not loved, or even that you did something wrong. Losing your temper is a natural human emotion. Should it be done frequently? Of course not. Does losing your temper, apologizing, and showing what humanity looks like to your kids create healthy adults? Yep. Better than your fake AF way of life.[/quote]

yup, everyone loses their temper and everyone makes mistakes or acts the wrong way.

teaching your kids its okay and that you can recover the situation with grace and love is FAR better than pretending you never get upset or make mistakes. [/quote]

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