Reply to Two entrees?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Two entrees?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Does he eat a lot at home too? [/quote]

Yes. Whenever he cooks though, I notice he carefully monitors everyone’s food. For instance he’ll put expensive cuts of meet next to his plate and put salads and bread by our plates.  This irritates me now that I noticed it. He will carefully dole out a slice or two, and keep the plate by his plate. When I’ve tried to imitate this (I sound insufferably petty, I know) he will say “no I want the meat next to me so I can have as much as I want”. My husband will usually say “dad, remember you’re not eating alone!!”

My husband has said in the past “dad, you can’t get seconds and thirds until everyone is finished with their first”. One dark day FIL took one fourth of the pie I had made for himself. One fourth of a 9 inch pie pan!! My husband actually cut that in half and gave  half to one of our children. He said “I don’t want the kids thinking that is remotely a reasonable slice”. FIL sulked for the rest of the day. I was secretly thrilled.

The true mystery here is how does he remain only chubby?  I feel like I would turn into a walrus if I ate like him.  DH thinks maybe he waits until we visit or he visits us to eat like a glutton. [/quote]

If he doesn't like going out alone, doesn't have friends to go out with  does he cook? Or is he surviving on bachelor meals or frozen dinners?

I think you drilled down to the root of the problem. He's lonely, doesn't have friends and has an abrasive personality. He takes great joy in food but due to his personal limitations doesn't get many home cooked meal or restaurant meals. I would try to have compassion and boundaries instead of playing petty games [/quote]

The core problem here is that like most normal, decent, empathetic people with a capacity for meaningful attachment, OP and her husband are reluctant to set boundaries given that the dysfunctional, personality-disordered, possibly psychopathic (not all psychopaths are serial killers) person in their lives happens to be a first degree relative whose social situation seems to invoke sympathy. Well, if I were OP and her spouse, I'd consider the fact that FIL doesn't actually fulfill his role (being a good but imperfect dad, FIL and grandfather) in any way that would warrant such exception and let him experience the consequences of being such a narcissistic POS: i.e. no more visits. Among other things, what the OP and her spouse are inadvertently teaching their own kids is that it's ok to put up with outrageous behavior and egregious treatment from people just because they happen to be relatives. There is a very distinct boundary between accepting and accommodating the run-of-the-mill imperfections that all of us have and doing the same for pathological dysfunction. I for one am tired of reading about the mental and emotional exhaustion of psychological healthy people trying to do well by people whose mentality and actions show them to be unworthy of such efforts. Let the mfs learn something from natural consequences for a change and if they can't, they can't. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics