Reply to Are we the only family in the DMV who is priced out?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m not OP, but her preferences are what they are. All these snide posts about just wanting HGTV type house are tiresome. Some people are just not the “sweat equity” type. Neither DH nor I are handy so anything that needed immediate “sweat equity” was a no go. Our starter house was one that we thought oh we will do things over time, guess what, with the addition of kids and those expenses it never happened. Our second house needed to be turnkey. We did move further out (although we aren’t city people and were fine with that) to get everything on our must have list. People’s preferences are personal, and just because someone values things that you don’t doesn’t make them invalid.[/quote]

The point is that you don't need to update a house to live in it. It is ok to have an outdated kitchen and bathrooms. It is ok to let some minor repairs go. Etc. There is a third option beyond sweat equity and professional remodel, and that is . . . do nothing, which is the cheapest and easiest option. But not if your ego is wrapped up in the look of your house.[/quote]
I don’t know that it necessarily would be an ego thing, but the idea of dropping 4-5k a month on a mortgage for a house whose kitchen and bathrooms I hate would drive me crazy. Compromises are absolutely necessary, but what compromises someone finds palatable will vary wildly depending on the person. OP needs to decide what compromises are tolerable for her, whether that is the commute, the size of the house, the aesthetics of the house, the school pyramid, etc. [/quote]

Part of it is having a problem solving mentality, and thinking expansively. If you get a very narrow idea in your head of what your house is supposed to look like and be, then you will find that a lot of houses are unacceptable because you "hate" how they look.

Something that helps me when house hunting is thinking about my mom, who is never satisfied with anything and will look at any house and say "so are you going to renovate the kitchen? the island is so weird" or "when are you going to get rid of that wallpaper in the powder room? it's so dated!" She's built multiple homes from scratch and has ultimately found fault with all of them, despite them being entirely her choices.

Thinking about her makes me realize the value in being very expansive in what I want in a home. I could live in something modern and stark with a dated 70s kitchen -- just replace the appliances and embrace the retro vibes. Lots of busy wallpaper it will take a million years to scrape off and fix? Maximalism is in, go read some Architectural Digest articles on the subject and imagine a rambling house in the British countryside. 90s build with dated fixtures and a lack of charm? Think of it as a blank slate and imagine how much your kids will enjoy that open floor plan. And on and on.

I look at listings and try to shape my family into that house in my mind, instead of trying to find the house that will fit the shape of my family. Treat the house as a new adventure, instead of trophy. It will have quirks and ultimately some might be annoying, but many might wind up becoming the stuff of family lore and treasured childhood memories. I have a childhood friend whose family referred to this giant, ugly stone fireplace in their den as "the monstrosity." As in "where's my sweater?" -- "have you checked the monstrosity?" Or "let's do our annual holiday photo in our jammies in front of the monstrosity!" It became a family joke and ultimately when they moved out of that house, everyone cried about leaving that hideous fireplace behind.

It's a mindset, OP. You can afford a great house. But let the house come to you, don't go looking for the perfect thing, you'll never find it. You're in good shape financially and it's going to work out. Try to have a sense of humor and optimism about it. Go find some monstrosity that you and your children will weep over leaving one day.[/quote]

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