Reply to My good friend’s husband is cheating do I tell her??

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If she’s your close friend and you are for certain her Dh is cheating, then you tell her.

You tell her it’s none of your business how she decides to handle the situation but that you love her and are there for her no matter what she decides.

I would be so upset if a close friend kept something so important like this from me. 
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I would be more upset that a friend would make me consider a divorce when I wouldn't know otherwise. I would stop speaking to that friend even if I did get a divorce as a result. [b]The friend more than the husband would be responsible for blowing up my lif[/b]e.[/quote]
You must have a different kind of marriage than most of us. [/quote]

If she doesn’t know, her life is not blown up. A person should not get involved with blowing up somebody else’s life. A friend telling could cause a divorce that might never happen otherwise. That is worse than the original offense. [/quote]

You are mentally ill. World class mental gymnastics right there. Bravo.

A good friend revealing info to a friend is not worse than THE ACTUAL cheating.  Wtf?!

I would always want to know.  I want agency in my life and I’m serious about my personal health.  I also would want to protect my best interests.  Who knows if he’s going to run off or knock this woman up? Much better to be prepared and THEN decide what she will and will not tolerate.

These people that want to shame and gaslight the good friends doing what a good friend should do—tell the friend, don’t judge, don’t gossip, support them with whatever decision they come to, etc. are absolutely insane- but we all know are just cheaters trying to persuade people to continue hiding their dirty secrets.[/quote]

DP but LOL at the inevitable “gaslighting” accusation.

There are arguments for and against telling her. I’m unequivocally against, for reasons many in this thread have explained… not least being, MANY marriages involve one or both partners cheating at some point, yet the spouses and children are far better off having that unfortunate lapse or whatever be taken to the grave. I GUARANTEE you that somewhere in your life—a marriage, a friendship, your parents, extended family, a work situation, whatever—there is something fairly significant that you don’t know about and your life and mental health are better for it. That is a near certainty. For anyone.

That’s setting aside the massive proportion of people who either know and consent to a spouse stepping out, or know and don’t necessarily consent but begrudgingly have agreed to accept it and not make an issue because on balance they prefer a drama free family life even at that expense.

By inserting yourself, you are FORCING your friend into a corner. It’s like outing someone who’s gay without asking first. “Oh, good for you! Congratulations on living your truth. Clear conscience and, bonus, what a hero you are!” Nevermind the f!cking person whose life you just ruined. This is entirely about a selfish interest in either creating drama or relieving yourself of guilt. MYOB. 
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