Reply to s/o - Aborting because a child is "disabled"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]Your post is full of so many sad assumptions that I don't know where to start. So you think the siblings of kids with Ds are neglected and suffer? I can introduce you to lots of families (many pro-choice and liberal by the way, as I am) where that isn't true at all. True, children with Ds often need therapies. So do many "typical" kids. If you definitely can't provide for the kinds of needs most kids with Ds have financially, then it's doubtful you can provide financially for any kid, because most kids with Ds don't take expensive medicine or need constant expensive therapies. I might add that any one of a number of things can happen with a typically developing kid which would necessitate expensive meds, or therapies. And again, if the strain of a kid with Ds will break up your marriage (the lives of most kids with Ds don't differ that tremendously from those of "typical" kids) then there is a good liklihood it won't survive parenthood, which can be challenging period. Why is it worth it to do all the hard work to raise a "typical" kid but not one with Ds? What are we really striving for here? Would you abort for autism? Extreme shyness? Mental illness? ADHD? Sensory processing disorders? Bi-polar? Because lots of kids fall under some umbrella of special needs, it just isn't detectable prenatally.

The most important thing here is not keeping me from judging you, no! The most important thing is not to stigmatize kids with Ds by perpetuating a lot of the myths you have in your previous post. But in the end the decision should be yours. But I don't have to like it.[/quote]

Not the PP your responding to but someone with SN kids.  My NT kids aren't neglected but they aren't having the childhood they should.  Our SN kids get far more attention and resources than our NT kids and the NTs are often resentful, feel less loved and not as important.  It doesn't matter what we say to them or how we try to make it up to them, they aren't getting their fair share and they know it.  You may know lots of families where that's not the case but I probably know more families where that's NOT the case.  It doesn't even matter if you did know more because I'm living with it day in and day out.  It's wrenching.  I have no idea what 'therapies' a typical kid would need that would come close to be equal to what SN kids need - and I'm not even talking about the more severe SN kids.  Kids with ADHD, communication disorders, movement disorders, sensory processing disorder, etc often require a lot of therapy to minimize the impact of their disorders on their daily lives.  It's not the same as getting a private coach for lacrosse. Any reason an NT kid would need therapy would also apply to an SN kid but NT kids aren't going to need the therapies that an SN kid needs.  Double therapy, how fun, how expensive!  The relationship strain is also far greater.  Divorce of parents of SN kids is far greater than for parents of NT kids.  Even disorders like ADHD, which some consider mild or run-of-the-mill in the SN community, are accompanied by far greater parental divorce rates.  Saying the cost and strain of raising an SN kid is not tremendously different than a NT kid is just bullshit.   Why do you think there's a separate Special Needs forum?  Because the needs of SN kids/parents have some tremendously different needs than 'General Parenting" and "Older Kids and Teens".  I can also tell you there is a HUGE amount of stigma associated with the SN diagnosis.  But, it would be a lot easier to bear if more people would acknowldege and understand how fucking hard it is to raise SN kids rather than perpetuating bullshit that it's not much different than raising NT kids.  It's IS very different.   No one likes an abortion but even if it were illegal, people would still find a way to have them.  Everyone would be better off to shift their focus from abortion to helping struggling families whether their kids have SN or not.  [/quote]

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