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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The mom says the family can’t afford these schools. The schools say the family can. The kid is trying to play the schools against her parents: she’ll get in and go to her parents saying “Princeton says I’m smart, and they also say you can afford it. If you don’t believe you can afford it, you must not believe I’m smart!” And she’ll have a point. Why would you care so much about what a college admissions office thinks, and not care at all about what the financial aid office thinks? If you’re going to carry that acceptance in your heart forever, wouldn’t you also carry forever the same school’s assessment that your parents could actually have paid for it, if only they were willing?[/quote]

Honestly, it's probably true that the parents could actually have paid for it, if only they were willing. Schools make the calculation that if parents save over the 18 years before college, and then pay more out of pocket, the kid can go to the school. Of course it's entirely fair for the parents to have different priorities for their money. But it wouldn't be wrong for the kid to feel that her parents prioritized other things over her chance to go to Princeton.[/quote]

I completely agree with this. Your child is going to grow up and possibly start a family of her own, including children. In the very long run, I think it is good for her to understand the potential consequences of various choices. Your family is a choice in terms of where you live, Responding and receiving. And I have no reason to doubt that you made those choices with yourselves, and your family in mind. And making those choices, though, you have also precluded your daughter from being able to attend Princeton if she is admitted. That is one Datapoint among many, many data points and how a family chooses to use And say finances.  My parents made different choices. They started saving for college before I was born, I would never have even thought of living in DC as it was far too expensive, and instead I grew up in a nondescript suburb that people generally make fun of. And there were some limitations in my experiences as a result I am sure. But, my parents had my and my siblings education, through professional school, completely covered.  College has gotten far more expensive, always exceeding the rate of inflation, my parents also had saved for our weddings, and to assist with down payments on houses. Fortunately, I never needed the wedding or house savings, but as parents that had been their priority and they spent and saved accordingly. I don’t think that that is better or worse necessarily then living closer in if jobs require, providing growing kids with experiences I may have never had, or other choices. But these are choices, it’s not about affordability. It’s about what high earning parents have chosen to do. In conversations with your daughter, I would simply on that. Because she will definitely hear from others whose parents make less than you, but who don’t get it, that the family is making Princeton or similar schools happen. Again, there is not a right answer, but your daughter is about to be an adult, and if she feels she wasn’t even able to apply to Princeton, which for certain majors provides for truly extraordinary access to professional opportunities, she should understand why. And if she’s going into a major where Princeton or similar does not matter much in terms of professional choices later on, she should understand that as well. In short, I think the key  for me would be complete transparency about family choices, competing interests and necessities, and the value of Princeton or similar in particular areas of interest.  Especially for a kid who might even be in the running for that really healthy set of learning opportunities and also a very respectful conversation.[/quote]

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