Reply to Cruel Break-Up

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He showed you who he really is. Be glad it was now and not after you married and had kids with him. Block him and do not look back. If he apologizes, do not get get back together with him.  And learn to stay away from temperamental guys. [/quote]

This. Please, OP, do not second guess that while this is incredibly painful, the reality is that this guy is no good. He may have had nice qualities - many abusers do - but he is an abuser at his core. Get therapy to help you process the grief, which is very real. BUT DO NOT GET BACK WITH THIS MAN. He will get worse and worse with time. I speak from experience and now in the midst of a divorce with someone very similar. Do not do it. [/quote]
Op here. First of all, thank you everyone for the kind words. I am with my parents and calling/texting friends but just writing it out as has been helpful.

I do not think he meets the true definition of an abuser. I am not getting back together with him, don't worry, I just think calling him an abuser is unfair. We were happy together for many years until last week. He was moody, had a superiority complex, and could be a major douche at times, but I NEVER felt unsafe with him and I never felt disrespected to such an extent until the night he broke up with me.

Anyway, just wanted to clarify. Not white knighting for him because I am really hurt and frankly, pissed off, by the way he spoke to me. [/quote]

I’m the PP you’re responding to and would say that this man is not only abusive but will absolutely try and re-enter your life. The insults he said to you are by definition abusive - they’re intended to hurt and scar you. My soon to be ex husband never hurled a real insult my way until we were married (after three years of dating / engagement) and all of a sudden during what seemed like an ordinary fight he unleashed a tirade of hurtful, nasty things. Then he apologized … time went by … then it happened again … then he apologized, was super sweet, all sorts of apologetic … then it happened again. And each time it got worse and worse and it got scary. This unfolded over time. When the water gets hot slowly you don’t realize you’re boiling. In retrospect, there were red flags before our marriage (he could be moody, he was controlling, he was hot/cold and sometimes very critical). All I can say is my marriage has been hell. This man showed you who you are and you were smart enough to post and get feedback. Don’t get back with this man. Please.

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+1 from someone who left a similar situation and is now a single parent on a reduced income and struggling to stay in my spot on the ladder, or even the same general area, don't get back with him. What I would not give to be 29 & single again and able to make different decisions. [/quote]

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