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[quote=Anonymous]I respect you OP.  You are doing your best to be honorable to your 4 kids.

Unfortunately you can't make other people feel the same way you do.  Your parents' are small hearted people who couldn't bring themselves to love 2 and 4 year old children their daughter helped raise from toddlerhood.  They don't respect the family you have built.

On the other hand, this is at least partially due to the decisions you and especially your husband made decades ago around the timing of his various marriages and kids. Objectively, his basic character is pretty suspect and your parents likely don't trust him.

In your shoes, I would let any kid who is interested go on the trip with your parents,  but not force your 12 year old to go.  Stop trying to force equal treatment from people you can't control,  but continue to support all your kids as equally as you can with your own resources.

If your children want to talk about the perceived inequity,  don't get defensive,  but acknowledge that it's a complicated situation and you love them all the same and will do your best to treat everyone fairly.[/quote]

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