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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here with an update. Another family member put their foot down on traveling this weekend due to health issues. Some of the kids can’t miss school for a week, so all agreed on spring break timeframe. We’re all going, but it will be in March during spring break. No open casket, just a celebration of life service. [/quote]

Sounds like you lucked out. If I were you OP I would make sure to tell your husband that you're relieved it worked out, but if it came down to it you would have gone.

[b]I am not someone who is very demanding or dramatic in relationships, but I would have trouble putting behind me my spouse not wanting to support me when my parent died.[/b] [/quote]

DP, not OP, but that line in bold is the very definition of dramatic. You just forgot to finish it. "I would have trouble putting behind me my spouse not doing what I demand, at a time of pandemic, even if it puts our children at risk of illness that could be mild. Or very serious. Who cares? I'd hold a grudge forever!"

Fixed that for you. [/quote]

Nah, looks like you are the drama queen.[/quote]

dp I agree with the previous pp.  You are the drama[/quote]

I'm the PP. There is a common misunderstanding with ultimatums. In some contexts, an ultimatum is toxically manipulative. In others, it gives you a warning that something you can't take back is about to happen. It is hard to know in the moment which version you're in. And perhaps telling someone you are at a crossroads is by definition manipulative? Regardless, I didn't say I would make the kind of ultimatum that the pp rephrased me as making. I said that I'd have a hard time getting past my spouse not supporting me in a moment like this. I know this is true because my sibling died in my 20s and a friend I had at the time acted absolutely horrendously at the time. And we continued to be friends but for years I could not forget how incredibly selfish she was in my moment of crushing grief and need. How she put her own feelings above my own and made me manage her emotions when I was really needing to be the person being supported. Her DH might not be able to articulate in this moment that they are at an inflection point, but you don't get that many opportunities in a relationship (hopefully) to prove that when the chips are down, you step up and hold your partner up. If you don't rise to the occasion when they happen, people remember. And not showing up to your spouse's parent's funeral is the kind of thing that you just can't take back. It would be unfortunate for OP to only realize this after the fact. [/quote]

THIS. [/quote]

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