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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here with an update. Another family member put their foot down on traveling this weekend due to health issues. Some of the kids can’t miss school for a week, so all agreed on spring break timeframe. We’re all going, but it will be in March during spring break. No open casket, just a celebration of life service. [/quote]

Sounds like you lucked out. If I were you OP I would make sure to tell your husband that you're relieved it worked out, but if it came down to it you would have gone.

I am not someone who is very demanding or dramatic in relationships, but I would have trouble putting behind me my spouse not wanting to support me when my parent died. [/quote]

Agreed. There is something about OP’s tone that feels very callous: “put their foot down” -as if having a funeral right after someone’s death was somehow unusual or completely off the wall request. OP, I really hope you are just not good at written expression because if you are conveying these feelings to your spouse, you are as self-centered in person as your are in print. Good luck on your marriage. You clearly need it.[/quote]

Did you miss the part where the family had been gathered in Wyoming over the holidays? I'm not sure what is callous about relating that another relative refused to travel at this time. Sounds like someone made a needed decision based on common sense.[/quote]

I totally agree and I don’t understand why OP has been vilified by a couple of posters on this forum. I also always assume that the tone people use on an anonymous forum isn’t the same tone that they would use with their loved ones.  The whole point of these forums is to quickly convey the info to anonymous neutral third parties for advice.  It’s not an exercise in diplomacy.[/quote]

I am the bolded PP, and it is my first time posting on the thread, and I read the whole thread. OP's tone comes across extremely callous. She sounds annoyed. And yes the 'put my foot down' line made me bristle just like it did the other PP. I also found this line from the OP very off putting:

[quote]All folks married into the family were expecting this, it was just a matter of time. The siblings and surviving parent are in shock and blaming themselves for not being able to save the other parent.[/quote]

It reads like she thinks the immediate family was being silly or ignorant for not coming to grips with a tragedy, and like the in laws were all standing around looking at their watch while the family struggled.

This too:

[quote]I told my husband that he needs to go and me and the kids (two three year old toddlers) will stay home and watch service online.[b] I mean I will watch it online.[/b][/quote]

Which sounds like, 'I can't go but obviously I'll make time to stream it on the internet.' Had that sentence been phrased, 'I told my husband of course he needs to go and we will support him but with all the upheaval of the last month it might be better if me and the kids participate virtually' even that would come across different. But this just compounds the tone of OP being [i]impatient[/i] about the death of her husband's parent. Your spouse should not sound impatient when talking about you grieving one of the most influential people in your entire life.

In my family/culture, children participate in funerals. They are a part of it. It is a celebration in addition to a mourning and a time when the extended family bonds. OP might feel differently about funerals, but again, she doesn't sound interested in her husband's perspective on this, she has no curiosity about his grief. Maybe her husband is a jerk and she just doesn't have much sympathy left to give him. But that lack of sympathy is dripping off her words, and if she loves him, and he's been picking up on this, she would benefit from trying to show that she does care. [/quote]

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