Reply to Please advise...SO upset with DH :(

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Please advise...SO upset with DH :("

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]During DH's weekly phone call w/ his parents last night, they apparently told him that they are planning on coming up when the baby is born (I'm 34 weeks).  As in, they expect a call when I go into labor.  They are also planning on staying at our (small) house.  My mother was going to stay with us for a few days after we come home from the hospital (my parents are local), a fact which DH knew and previously supported.  Now he's saying that my mom can just stay at her own house and visit during the day, as his parents will be here.  Problem: I don't want his parents here.  I want my mom.  I'm going to be going through a lot, both emotionally and physically, and I'm already freaked about BFing.  I don't want to be struggling with the latch at 2 am and have my MIL come in to see if she can help-I want my own mom.  I don't want to be sitting in front of my FIL and start leaking, or be crying for no reason.  Although I get along fine with his parents, I don't want them to be around at what is probably going to be a very difficult time for me (I'm a control-freak, so I know it will be rocky the first few days).  I can't believe they (and DH) would think that a) it is ok to displace my own mother, and b) that I would feel more comfortable with them than my own mother.  They say they don't want to miss anything, including visiting in the hospital, the first bath, etc.  DH sides with them, saying my parents will be here for it, when shouldn't his?  Um hello, because they made the choice to move out of the area two years ago?

I am beside myself.  I've been crying a bunch, arguing with DH, etc.  He won't even hear of them coming up later on after we get settled, or staying in a hotel.  I feel like I don't know him or his family at all right now.  Am I being really dramatic, or do I have a point?  Please help me get some much-needed perspective!![/quote]

Didn't read the thread. But I wanted to share my experience, uh, 12 years ago. My DH's parents did the same thing, only we lived in a very small apartment, so DH rented them a hotel room. It was the most horrible visit ever, and to this very day I get angry just thinking about it. I had a terrible time BFing, bleeding nipples, excruciating pain, total nightmare, on top of the sleep deprivation exhaustion, and in waltzed my in-laws bearing food and gifts, and wanting gratitude and to be entertained, and to spend every minute they could with their first grandchild! I was leaking, crying, exhausted beyond belief, and all I wanted was for them to GO HOME!! Why I gave in to DH, I will never know. I thought I could handle it, as I am very organized, and expected things would go smoothly because I was well-prepared - - NOT! I did not expect the BFing problem, and I underestimated by ability to endure the sleep deprivation.

Have a very calm talk with your DH, OP. Tell him, NO, NO, NO. Your mom is staying with you or NO ONE, but definitely NOT your in-laws. They have no "right" to experience the first bath, etc. Plus they are germy, and could bring germs from another part of the country that will make your newborn sick. They can visit in a few weeks when you've settled into a routine. Until then, Skype, emailed photos, phone calls will have to suffice. I still resent my DH for inflicting his parents on me at such a stressful, fragile time. Having your first child is a huge transition, OP, and you need to have as much comfort as you can during the first few days and weeks. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics