Anonymous
Post 01/17/2012 13:00     Subject: Re:Please advise...SO upset with DH :(
Anonymous wrote:In two years OP will be on this board complaining about how much she hates her MIL and how her DH can't do anything right and doesn't do his fair share around the hosue. This is where it starts folks.


In addition her DH will complain about how OP doesn't involve him in any decision making. Hopefully OP and her DH can come to a mutual agreement that works best for them. I agree pp, this is where it starts.
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2012 01:17     Subject: Please advise...SO upset with DH :(
Yup this happened to me. I gave in and my mom stayed in her house while my ILs and others stayed with us. Not good. I was very sick, bleeding like crazy, having serious trouble BF, experiencing post partum anxiety/depression, recovering from a painful csection, and they were not only completely in my space, taking pictures of me at my worst, trying to "help"me BF, and being really loud as they entertained themselves and others. Further, since they kept taking DC, I didn't really do much skin to skin as I should have. In a nutshell, when you have a baby people seem to forget that for some people it is a tough physical/mental experience. If you have a csection, that's surgery and at it can really hurt. I wanted my mom, not my ILs who while very nice people really don't prioritize my well being/recovery on the same level as my mom. It's all a happy party for them. I have to be honest, it has impacted the way I think of my ILs since then. As far as your DH, ask him if he'd be ok having your parents take care of him if he had a circumcision.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2012 18:32     Subject: Please advise...SO upset with DH :(
Anonymous wrote:OP, come back with an update or be forever branded a troll...


Maybe she had the baby?
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2012 17:52     Subject: Please advise...SO upset with DH :(
My IL's were around constantly. I remember getting up and feeling the blood oozing and my FIL saying "Oh my goodness, how embarassing", that is when I showed them the door.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2012 17:52     Subject: Please advise...SO upset with DH :(
OP, come back with an update or be forever branded a troll...
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2012 16:58     Subject: Please advise...SO upset with DH :(
Anonymous wrote:During DH's weekly phone call w/ his parents last night, they apparently told him that they are planning on coming up when the baby is born (I'm 34 weeks). As in, they expect a call when I go into labor. They are also planning on staying at our (small) house. My mother was going to stay with us for a few days after we come home from the hospital (my parents are local), a fact which DH knew and previously supported. Now he's saying that my mom can just stay at her own house and visit during the day, as his parents will be here. Problem: I don't want his parents here. I want my mom. I'm going to be going through a lot, both emotionally and physically, and I'm already freaked about BFing. I don't want to be struggling with the latch at 2 am and have my MIL come in to see if she can help-I want my own mom. I don't want to be sitting in front of my FIL and start leaking, or be crying for no reason. Although I get along fine with his parents, I don't want them to be around at what is probably going to be a very difficult time for me (I'm a control-freak, so I know it will be rocky the first few days). I can't believe they (and DH) would think that a) it is ok to displace my own mother, and b) that I would feel more comfortable with them than my own mother. They say they don't want to miss anything, including visiting in the hospital, the first bath, etc. DH sides with them, saying my parents will be here for it, when shouldn't his? Um hello, because they made the choice to move out of the area two years ago?

I am beside myself. I've been crying a bunch, arguing with DH, etc. He won't even hear of them coming up later on after we get settled, or staying in a hotel. I feel like I don't know him or his family at all right now. Am I being really dramatic, or do I have a point? Please help me get some much-needed perspective!!


Didn't read the thread. But I wanted to share my experience, uh, 12 years ago. My DH's parents did the same thing, only we lived in a very small apartment, so DH rented them a hotel room. It was the most horrible visit ever, and to this very day I get angry just thinking about it. I had a terrible time BFing, bleeding nipples, excruciating pain, total nightmare, on top of the sleep deprivation exhaustion, and in waltzed my in-laws bearing food and gifts, and wanting gratitude and to be entertained, and to spend every minute they could with their first grandchild! I was leaking, crying, exhausted beyond belief, and all I wanted was for them to GO HOME!! Why I gave in to DH, I will never know. I thought I could handle it, as I am very organized, and expected things would go smoothly because I was well-prepared - - NOT! I did not expect the BFing problem, and I underestimated by ability to endure the sleep deprivation.

Have a very calm talk with your DH, OP. Tell him, NO, NO, NO. Your mom is staying with you or NO ONE, but definitely NOT your in-laws. They have no "right" to experience the first bath, etc. Plus they are germy, and could bring germs from another part of the country that will make your newborn sick. They can visit in a few weeks when you've settled into a routine. Until then, Skype, emailed photos, phone calls will have to suffice. I still resent my DH for inflicting his parents on me at such a stressful, fragile time. Having your first child is a huge transition, OP, and you need to have as much comfort as you can during the first few days and weeks.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2012 15:56     Subject: Please advise...SO upset with DH :(
Anonymous wrote:Agree - this is were is starts. I have two boys and if I am blessed that they have their own children and I want to be right in the action - but guess what? Not my call to make. If my future daughter in law would feel more comfortable with her own mother or a hired baby nurse, then that is what is going to happen. If my future daughter in law needs someone to come and cook and clean, and leave her, my son and their new baby alone, sign me up.

How I see it, my daughter in law is about to have my grandchild so she can damn well have whatever she wants.

I am confused why this is even a discussion. And to those people who come to visit mothers with newborns and don't bring dinners, wash clothes, clean bathrooms, etc. you are clueless.


+1
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2012 13:15     Subject: Please advise...SO upset with DH :(
Agree - this is were is starts. I have two boys and if I am blessed that they have their own children and I want to be right in the action - but guess what? Not my call to make. If my future daughter in law would feel more comfortable with her own mother or a hired baby nurse, then that is what is going to happen. If my future daughter in law needs someone to come and cook and clean, and leave her, my son and their new baby alone, sign me up.

How I see it, my daughter in law is about to have my grandchild so she can damn well have whatever she wants.

I am confused why this is even a discussion. And to those people who come to visit mothers with newborns and don't bring dinners, wash clothes, clean bathrooms, etc. you are clueless.





Anonymous
Post 01/14/2012 10:16     Subject: Re:Please advise...SO upset with DH :(
In two years OP will be on this board complaining about how much she hates her MIL and how her DH can't do anything right and doesn't do his fair share around the hosue. This is where it starts folks.
Anonymous
Post 01/13/2012 21:03     Subject: Re:Please advise...SO upset with DH :(
OP please give us an update!
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2012 18:52     Subject: Re:Please advise...SO upset with DH :(
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
OP - I hope that you are having a boy... and then please put yourself in your IL's shoes when he is having his first baby and communicates that he doesn't want you to visit for 2 weeks. Karma!


Well, in addition to posting a really rude response, you're wrong. He doesn't have the baby. She does. Her body. That trumps what he or his parents want. True, some of us recover quickly. Some take longer. We don't know how OP will adjust, only she does. So, she should decide who stays close to her in the first few days and weeks.


No, OP does not know how she will adjust, at least not at this point. But with all this build-up and drama, she's making a good case for the princess routine....


There's a difference between visiting to meet the baby and staying in OP's home for a week or more. I expect to hold my grand baby in the hospital. Then I expect to NOT sleep and eat in the same home as my daughter for a while. UNLESS she wants me to come take care of her. It's all about HER. Not me.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2012 21:06     Subject: Re:Please advise...SO upset with DH :(
Anonymous wrote:
OP - I hope that you are having a boy... and then please put yourself in your IL's shoes when he is having his first baby and communicates that he doesn't want you to visit for 2 weeks. Karma!


Well, in addition to posting a really rude response, you're wrong. He doesn't have the baby. She does. Her body. That trumps what he or his parents want. True, some of us recover quickly. Some take longer. We don't know how OP will adjust, only she does. So, she should decide who stays close to her in the first few days and weeks.


No, OP does not know how she will adjust, at least not at this point. But with all this build-up and drama, she's making a good case for the princess routine....
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2012 14:12     Subject: Please advise...SO upset with DH :(
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Make it clear to your DH that your mom is coming to take care of YOU. You will need extra care and help at that time. Make it clear that you will not be waiting on his parents (or him) during that time, wherever they are staying.


My DH took care of me. What's wrong with expecting the OP's DH to help take care of her?


Very good point.


Depends on the DH. Mine isn't good at care taking.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2012 10:46     Subject: Please advise...SO upset with DH :(
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Make it clear to your DH that your mom is coming to take care of YOU. You will need extra care and help at that time. Make it clear that you will not be waiting on his parents (or him) during that time, wherever they are staying.


My DH took care of me. What's wrong with expecting the OP's DH to help take care of her?


Very good point.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2012 10:42     Subject: Please advise...SO upset with DH :(
Anonymous wrote:Make it clear to your DH that your mom is coming to take care of YOU. You will need extra care and help at that time. Make it clear that you will not be waiting on his parents (or him) during that time, wherever they are staying.


My DH took care of me. What's wrong with expecting the OP's DH to help take care of her?