Reply to How can I request cleaning help wear something more... modest?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]On one hand, you are the employer, so it seems like your employee should abide by your comfort zone (as long as it is legal). BUT, what if you wanted her to wear a veil in your home, that would be going too far in my opinion.

How about your hire a cleaning person through an agency (which usually protects them and you more anyway, in terms of benefits/being bonded, etc). When you first put in the request, explain that due to your cultural/religious beliefs/customs, you would appreciate it if the person they send does not wear X, Y, Z (don't label it as modest, be specific, since "modest" is subjective). That way you are describing a work requirement, not insulting an individual.[/quote]

Why do people keep saying that OP is the employer?  It sounds like this is a cleaning lady, not a full-time housekeeper.  So OP is not the employer.  [/quote]

Ok. OP is the client.  It’s still a reasonable request.  [/quote]

Would it be reasonable for your employer to ask you to start wearing a headscarf to work, now that they've been bought by a Saudi conglomerate?  After all, it's part of their religion.[/quote]

I’m a therapist and own my own practice.  It would be reasonable for a client to tell me that they would prefer that I wear a headscarf while I am with them.  And it would also be completely reasonable for me to say that I am not comfortable with that and to work it out or refer them elsewhere.
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If you’re a therapist, you surely recognize the differences between a therapist- client relationship and the type of relationship that the OP is describing. So, interesting observations, but not really relevant.  Let’s flip it. Would it be reasonable for you to ask a client to wear a head scarf?  Would it be reasonable for your clients to ask you to purchase entire outfits to wear during your sessions with them — when the outfits may cost far more than the fee they’re paying you?  Would it be reasonable for them to bring you an outfit that meets their standards for acceptability?  If any of these questions has made you cringe, even a little bit, then maybe some empathy and insight have been achieved. [/quote]

Look.  I’m not saying it’s a perfect analogy.  It’s just a response to some asking me if it would be okay if my employer asked me to wear a headscarf.

Yes.  Someone bringing in an outfit for me to wear or requesting that I purchase something specific to wear during sessions with them would be unusual behavior.  And people suggesting that the OP purchase a uniform are out of line.

However, asking someone politely to choose a t-shirt instead of a tank top when they come to your home is reasonable.  And, in my experience, most women need more encouragement to be assertive and ask for things that they want.  [/quote]

Has anyone ever asked you this, though? If not, again, I urge you to think about the potential power dynamics involved here. I trust that you would be equally supportive of the other woman. What would you say to a client that told you that although they were appropriately dressed, someone that they worked for a few hours a month, wanted them to change their clothes — to conform with religious beliefs that your client did not share.  How would you support THIS client in being assertive and empowered in standing up to an unreasonable request?

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I don’t think talking about specifics about my therapy sessions is appropriate for this forum.  I will say that I work in a psychiatric emergency room on occasion, and everyone who works there has a dress code or a uniform.  This is not unusual in a workplace.

As I initially said, OP is within her rights to ask, and the other woman is within her rights to refuse.  Then they can either work it out or go their separate ways.  [/quote]

I agree. So perhaps we can also agree that having a formal workplace dress code that people are aware of before being hired is a very different and expected thing vs a person deciding that, because of their personal and religious beliefs, someone they’re hiring to do a task for a few hours should comply with their very personal standards for clothing. 
  [/quote]

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