Reply to Am I Asking Husband To Do Too Much?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband has not been pulling his weight lately and thinks I’m asking for too much. We welcomed our first child ( 10 weeks old) a couple of months ago.  He took paternity leave and was wonderful. He spent time bonding with the baby, did housework, and waited on me with food and water. He’s been back at work for a month now and things have taken a 180. He has not done much besides spending a couple of hours a day with the baby. I’m doing most of the childcare and housework. I have told him multiple times he needs to do more things, but he has said I should handle it since he works all day. I understand he works all day but I’m exhausted too. Having to care for a baby, who often needs to be held for naps, is not easy. He said there is ample time for me to get housework done while baby naps, but I disagree. I’m also getting up with baby once at night. I’m going back to work PT in January and told him this won’t work for me. He said he will help out more once I’m back at work, but feels I should be doing most of the childcare and housework because I’m home. I feel me asking for more help is fair. I don’t know if being unreasonable with my expectations. [/quote]

In the evenings, one of you should care for the baby, while the other cooks dinner.  After dinner, one should put baby to bath and bed, while the other cleans up the kitchen and playroom (is there even a playroom yet?).  Then, considering you have probably put the baby to sleep early, you both get a couple hours to unwind.  If this is what you mean by your DH spending a couple hours with the baby at night, then this sounds equal to me.[/quote]

OP here. This is our day. We all wake up around 7. He gets to work ( works from home) and I make us breakfast and him coffee. I tend to baby who is having naps issues and requires being held. I also am very active with my baby - tummy time, reading, toys, etc.,. This repeats all day until about 6. He will take baby while I cook dinner. We eat and I put baby to bed ( 8pm bedtime) and then I clean up the kitchen and the mess. He workouts out, showers, and then e watch tv.

I would be fine if this was just during the week, but it’s weekends too. He spend almost no time actually caring for the baby solo. It’s still me. He doesn’t help with naps, feedings, or making dinner. He will play with baby for a couple minutes here and there in between working out or watching tv. I feel like I should get a break on the weekends, but he needs that time to relax because he works during the week. [/quote]

This is horrible, OP.  You need to put your foot down and make sure you get even leisure time on the weekends and after work.  It sounds like you are doing domestic labor from 6-9 every weeknight, plus the midnight pump.  So let's say 4 hours M-F.  He does 1 hour of domestic labor M-F by holding the baby while you cook.  And you do about 10 hrs on each weekend day and he does about 2 hours, is that right?  So in a week, for the time he is not working, he does 9 hours of domestic labor, and you do 40.  That is WAY out of balance.  The only way someone could defend this as "fair" is if they believe that men inherently should be excused from domestic labor.  [/quote]

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