Reply to Working women are getting the shaft

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Working women are getting the shaft"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I went part time because I was frankly more invested in my kids lives than dh was.  He does fine and they would be fine, if I was working more but I wanted more for my kids than that and so I would be the one unhappy.   There’s so much finger pointing and blame when I think we all need to be honest about our motivations.  Many women want to be more involved in their Kids lives than their husbands do.  That doesn’t make either side bad, it’s just a factor to consider when strategizing finances.  [/quote]

I agree with women wanting to be more involved in their kids lives than their husbands do, but the expectation on the women to be more involved also comes from the husbands. I don't know if it is biological or societal. I think it is a bit of both.

My DH is willing to do  daily stuff with the kids that takes 20-30 minutes at a time.  So he was great with the physical care - changing diaper, giving baths, feeding.  He continues to cook and feed them (when asked) even now as they have grown to become teens. He is also willing to drive them to EC activities or take them to competitions during the weekend, but I have to take care of all the logistics and planning.

But, he is not the one to take the mental burden of their school work, emotional and mental health, socialization, long term planning.  That is my job. I need to figure out what is going on in their lives, set their goals, suss out their friends, make sure they are thriving mentally, socially, physically, emotionally, be clued in about their school, rules - daily, weekly, yearly, 5-yearly, 10-yearly plan of their lives.   He expects me to make my kids excel and be high achieving.  He expects his kids to be happy and secure.  He expects them to be socialized. He expects them to not miss out on any opportunity. He expects that I will have a plan that is custom-built for each child. He expects me to find the best tutors and coaches that will be a perfect match with my kids and supervise them. He expects me to be able to tutor them in any and all subjects from K-12 and beyond.   He thinks that he did well in providing his kids with a mother that has multiple college degrees and a problem solver.  Which means that they will get both the nurture and nature to succeed. His task is done. He will earn the money. I will make our kids into successful human beings.  Case closed.

In the end, I am the parent who agonizes internally about deadlines, resources, being hyper vigilant, understanding what's at stake. He is the parent who is chilled. Going to each kids event with his camera, not knowing enough to be mentally freaking out but , absolutely assured that the kids will either win trophies OR will have a good experience. In any case, he has not invested the time and lifted the mental burden or prepared for failure. He is just in the moment. Floating happily.   [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics