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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You need to hire help.

I SAH with similar aged kids, and DH bills at least what you do. I’d say I’m great at chores (unlike your DH) but honestly some babies are easy to take care of while doing housework and others really aren’t. I also have health issues that require far too many doctors visits and my DH will stay with the baby while I go. It’s hard on him, and it’s something we used to hire a babysitter for, but we don’t want to in covid.

The thing is, a babysitter or nanny fully exposes you, covid wise. A housekeeper does not. We have a housekeeper come two days per week and we simply go to a different level of the house that she’s on. She cleans and does laundry, and wears a mask. We also order all our groceries online right now - I think your DH is right that it’s not worth taking a baby to the store - and when things are stressful with baby we order delivery meals as well.

If your DH isn’t super excited about looking for a job he needs to take on more of the SAH role, but he has to be given some leeway to outsource. There are ways that can be done relatively safely.

Sorry OP. Times are rough.[/quote]

I am the OP - Thank you so much for saying this. I feel like we are in similar places in a lot of ways. Taking the baby to the store just seems too risky - we can suit up the older kiddo in a mask and face shield but not the little guy. A baby sitter a couple times a week would be ideal, but I feel like finding someone part-time with the same level of covid-aversion that we have that is willing to not work with any other families just seems like an unreasonable ask. I feel like its all or nothing. We don't really want to go all-in with a nanny because even the little bit of school my older kid has been going to has been so good for him. He has missed daycare and other kids so much.

He is the one most opposed to outsourcing, and it is because of the COVID risk and not the money. He has always hated having housekeepers, and at best I could only convince him in pre-covid times to have them come every other month. But then he doesn't do "his" chores and has a high tolerance for mess, and I have a lower mess tolerance, so I have the brunt of the anxiety around a messy house. I'm just breaking down today. I've been working all my weekends and haven't had a day off in eons, and I'm can't remember the last time I went to bed before midnight.

I wanted to go back to work part-time after the second kid, but then my firm cut salaries and without reliable child care we don't feel like my husband can look for a job yet. It has just all been so much with no end in sight and I'm so worried that winter will just make virus spread worse and reduce our options even further. [/quote]

OP, I have two words for you - GROCERY DELIVERY. What is your opposition to this? You sound like you’re drowning. People have offered tons of suggestions that will help you out and you’re apparently unwilling to listen to any of them. Maybe it’s the way your brain is working right now but you really need to wake up and listen. You can be COVID-cautious all you want, but I’m pretty sure the risk of having a mom who has a mental breakdown is higher than the risk that your family will contract COVID from a maid. YOU NEED HELP. If your husband doesn’t clean the house the way you want him to, then you get to hire a maid. Stop letting him dictate how you live your life, especially when he isn’t even bringing in any money![/quote]

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