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Reply to "Does a blended family actually work?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

I for one, used my good sense and brainpower to stay married instead of trying to explain to my kid why she has to be treated like Cinderella. You do you. 
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And I for one, used my good sense and brainpower to make sure I am able to support my kids so that they won’t be treated like Cinderella.   But you do you, keep staring at the ceiling while ensuring your financial well being.[/quote]

So tell us all how your supposed incontrovertible brain power helped you to "...manage a blended family" and for how long have you been doing it?  Are your kids and your stepkids all successful adults now?  If they are not, then I wouldn't be bragging about how successful I am if I were you.  Is your spouse's ex still in the picture?  If so, how exactly do you "manager" her/him - especially if s/he has parenting failures which result in your stepkids having problems.  (Like ignoring/permitting behavior such as alcohol, drug use, promiscuity, etc. because s/he wants to be the cool mom/dad).  Tell us how you would "manage" the ex?  Especially if s/he decides to start alienating the stepkids from your spouse as retaliation?

Perhaps your way of managing that scenario is to tell your heartbroken spouse to figure it out on their own as it's not your problem.  Good luck with that. [/quote]

you have some kind of weird [b]anti-divorce projection going on here. I'm thinking that you're in a very, very unhappy marriage, and desperately trying to justify it.
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You couldn't be more wrong. I am anti remarriage whenever there are children (minor or adults) involved. It is fine to date someone, live with them, whatever ... but you should never marry someone who has children from another marriage.  Even if living together, you must absolutely have your own financial escape plan, if needed.

I've seen way too many cases where a second spouse's lives and finances were destroyed because their spouse made their own bio-kids' wants and needs the top priority.  Most bio parents will do that and that's their prerogative. The problem comes in when they expect the second spouse to help foot those bills, either directly or through subsidizing.  Retirement accounts depleted, second mortgages, you name it.

I had a neighbor in his 80s who had been remarried more than 20 years. He moved into his wife's house when they married. Both he and his wife were frail but he took care of all her daily needs and he took care of the house as best he could, and got in helping agencies in when he couldn't.  That old guy did everything humanly possible to care for his wife who he loved deeply.

As she came closer to death her adult daughter (who rarely visited) came rolling in with an attorney and had the woman sign the house over to her and make her executrix.

When the woman passed away the adult daughter came by ONE WEEK AFTER THE FUNERAL and told the old man to get his stuff out of "her" house by the end of the month.  Imagine being in your 80s and getting kicked out of your home a week after you've buried your beloved spouse.

You hear a lot about horrible stepparents but the other side of the story is rarely told. [/quote]

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