Reply to Estrangement Doesn't Just Happen to "Bad" Moms

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Reply to "Estrangement Doesn't Just Happen to "Bad" Moms—It Happened to Me Too"

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[quote=Anonymous]NP.  Wading into this pit.

Can we stop the fighting and agree that there are plenty of crazies out there on both sides?  Every crazy MIL out there was once probably an equally crazy DIL herself.  Narcissism exists in the young and old.  For every justified estrangement there are probably a good proportion of crazy jerks who manipulated their spouses or children to mistreat another who didn’t deserve it?

As for me - I have the “crazy mother.”  Yes, we are estranged.  Yes, it was gut wrenching to do and a move I made when I became pregnant with my first and felt I needed to protect her.  I spent years lingering in guilt out of concern for her when she gave less than two sh*ts about me growing up.  But from past experiences with her I had the small, nagging worry that she is capable of hurting something I loved to hurt me (a pet in the past), and no  amount of guilt was going to outweigh even the smallest risk that she would do the same to my children.  Like so many other stories, she has “no idea” why I’m so “angry” with her or that I am “so bitter.”  Despite the fact that I’ve spent hours and hours as a teen and young adult trying to get her to “understand” or the emails I’ve sent near the end explaining what I am doing.  She’s a complete, innocent, clueless victim and I did it out of the blue, etc.

On the other hand, my husband’s brother is married to an extremely (I believe) anxious woman who takes out this unresolved mental issue on everyone around her.  I’ve been on the receiving end of her rage even as a bystander.  I’ve never seen anything like it.  I’ve seen our MIL (she passed several years ago) walking on eggshells around her so as to not “lose access” to the grandchild, etc.  MIL always did maintain a relationship with DIL before she died unexpectedly, but I can see how it could have blown up due to DIL’s crazy.

Flame away. [/quote]

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