Reply to Can you bounce back from being bad-mouthed to spouse's friends?

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Reply to "Can you bounce back from being bad-mouthed to spouse's friends?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I want to thank everyone for being kind.  Sorry, I have a job and kids so I was surprised to see this thread exploded.

I had just come on to let everyone know that I signed up for therapy sola.  I'm not telling DH.  Some if these things rang true.  Some didn't.

First, we met at age 30 in the DC bar scene. It was casual.  His friends came first and so did me with mine.  I didn't know I wanted to marry him.  At the time I was exploring single-parent adoption (bad candidate for pregnancy due to health issues). I may have been baby crazy and I take full responsibility.  That part was true.  I didn't think I needed a man -- that part was not true.

We are both working professionals with grad degrees.  So the undereducated was  not true.  We are white and raised Jewish (not practicing so no rabbi to visit).  He was raised in the LA Jewish scene so I think there was some frat/sorority component to his upbringing.  He did not cheat on me -- I do think he flirted, got drunk, maybe got handsy, and spoke about all his conquests when I was not there but nothing that would upset or bother me. Honestly, at this point, cheating would be easier to handle, and wouldn't bother me at all. Trashing me has destroyed me.  I don't know how to explain it.  He's now shown me some emails and I want to vomit.

About 16 months after we met, he proposed.  He was immature so I didn't expect it and never suggested it.  It was romantic but in retrospect, his friends were all getting married and I think he was just scared of being left behind.  A year later, we had a lavish wedding in DC (we're not from here but both work/live here).  Yes, his friends ignored me at the wedding but he's from LA and had always visited them alone, so they didn't know me.  His LA friends in the DC area also don't see me much -- often I was staying with the kids and he was going out.  I hadn't thought of it much.

In any case, I'm getting help.  I'm not leaving my marriage and maybe never will but I'm committing to seeing a therapist secretly every week for a year.  I won't post again.

If anyone else is in pain, I have been alternating Advil and Tylenol today and feel better than I've felt in weeks.  I found that advice online.  It numbs the feelings as a temporary solution.  I wouldn't recommend it long term but I figure that it's better than wine with kids.[/quote]

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