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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

The suggestion of finding non-mom friends is a good one.  I need to do more of that.  This fall, though, to try to do more of that, I did sign up for a 10 week cooking class at my church.  It's during the day (from noon-1 pm), and I thought I would meet other moms maybe, but everyone is over 65.  Which is fine, and I've met some nice older ladies, but I'm 34 and was hoping to meet more folks at least in my same life stage.

I'm a nurse who works 4 shifts a week, so part-time, and not a SAHM.  My daughter is in morning preschool 3 days per week and then I'm home with her in the afternoons, or we have a part-time nanny who is home with her when I'm working.

But I do have lots of time to spend with my child, so I consider myself kind of like a SAHM, since I'm around during the days most days.  I have joined a few SAHM groups, and go to the activities, but haven't really made any SAHM friends.  All my friends who I met at moms groups or at church work full-timeh, including the moms at the preschool. Due to the nature of my job (since when I'm off the clock I'm off the clock), I have a lot of "mental energy" when I'm home to spend planning parties and events, making sure my house is guest-ready, cooking, cleaning, etc.  That also means a lot of time I feel very lonely, and that I have too much time on my hands.

I am trying to make a whole new social life.  We moved here from out of state 5 years ago, and we moved here not knowing a single person.  It was really hard at first, but then I had my daughter and I started meeting tons of moms, at my breastfeeding support group, moms groups, etc.  I stayed home for the first 6 months so it was easy to meet other moms, and I've stayed friends with them.  My daughter is now 3.

Regarding the parties, admittedly my house does look like something out of HGTV (the house after all the renos), I spend a lot of time on renovations and decorating, and my house is always clean, tidy, and well-organized.  When guests come over maybe they feel like their house can't measure up.  But renovating, decorating, and home-making is my hobby, along with entertaining, so I enjoy it.

For me planning the next party or event at my house is like going on vacation--I love the anticipation, the planning, the details.  I plan out the food, drinks, crafts, etc. weeks in advance, and every detail about my parties is Pinterest-worthy.  People seem to love my parties and I get tons of compliments, and I'm also a gracious host who makes sure everyone enjoys themselves and that the conversation flows well.

But what gets to me is that people aren't inviting us over even for simple playdates.  All I want is for someone to think of me, to say, hey, I haven't had you all over in a long time.  Want to come over next week for a playdate?

They do often say, "we should get together for a playdate soon" and then we are never invited, despite the fact that I've already invited them over to 2 parties, and 3 playdates at my house that year.  It makes me wonder if I really do have friends or not.[/quote]

You don't.

My closest friend is like you.  Her house is amazing, she hosts TONS of parties.  She is always dress well and her house can show at any moment.  My house is a mess (and it's more apartment than house).  But, I invite her over - because we are friends.  Here is the thing, even if it was just someone that I was friendly with (and embarrassed about laundry piles) I would invite them to a playground or ice skating, or something.

It sounds like people are taking advantage of you.  When you say "yes!  let's get together" what happens next?[/quote]

OP here.  Usually they say: "let's get together sometime."  I say, "great!  We're pretty much always free on the weekends, let me know what works for you."  Then either I don't end up ever hearing from them again about this or they say something like, "we'll have you over, let us know a good time that works for you"--but that's not really an invitation.  Because then I would say, well how about this Saturday?" and I don't want to put them on the spot or make it seem like I'm inviting myself over.

[b]A proper invitation is "we'd love for you to come over for a playdate this Saturday at 4 pm.  Are you free then?"  
[/b]
[/quote]

Ugh.  OP, I was with you until I read this.  Not everyone is going to have read the book of etiquette you live by.  People are people with flaws and if you want to be friends, you have to accept that they don't communicate/host/invite the same way as you. [/quote]

OP here. Fair enough but when people put out a vague, "let's get together soon, let me know what works for you" I find that very confusing because I feel like if I respond and say, "ok, I'm free this Saturday afternoon, how about then" then that's putting them on the spot.  I feel like it's very rare that people invite me to something concrete with an actual date and time instead of leaving it really vague and open-ended.  I much prefer an actual date and time.  Vague and open-ended is wishy washy and almost always results in never actually getting together.[/quote]

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