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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oh no. Oh OP, I’m very sorry.

Yes, this was a highly inappropriate relationship, and yes - I think it can be called an affair. There’s some kind of disconnect in your husband - perhaps there’s some denial going on that enabled him to perceive himself as an “honorable husband” because he only let it go so far sexually and kept it simmering at a level he deemed appropriate and unthreatening to your marriage. But the fact that it went on for a year, they saw each other 5-6 times a week and texted constantly, while all the while he knew she wanted to pursue a sexual relationship - and that they had shared a kiss and some inappropriate hugging - yeah, that’s an affair.

It doesn’t sound like your DH is deeply attached to her in the sense that it filled some kind of need for him but he didn’t necessarily check out of your marriage or withdraw from you.
It certainly doesn’t sound like a love connection - but you will need to unpack this with him and get the whole story.

What it tells you is that your DH has the ability to compartmentalize - as long as he kept a particular boundary then he could tell himself he was being that wonderful husband that he portrayed himself to be when you initially confronted him. He probably genuinely wants to be that husband, because he came clean to you and immediately ended their relationship.

[/quote]

Great analysis. I'm a NP. I agree and think your husband was cheating emotionally, and agree that he compartmentalized it because he didn't seem to cross many physical boundaries. But the fact that he didn't end the relationship after the inappropriate hugging and kiss happened makes me think he was also mentally entangled in this relationship and probably enjoyed it too much to let it go.

Kudos to you for driving to that ho's house and talking to her face to face.  I hope she will now live with the consequences of her horrible behavior and have to deal with $hit from her husband. Not saying that your husband is exempt from contributing to the EA.

I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope you guys can make peace with what happened and move forward in a healthy way. [/quote]

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