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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]PP, I've done that. We've had friends show up to a messy house and no food when he invited them to a cookout without doing any planning or prep. I left beforehand and he shrugged and told them he couldn't do it when they arrived and sent them home. They probably blamed me. I had to cancel travel to visit people because he didn't follow through on his share of the prep for a trip and I literally didn't have enough time to complete laundry, get dog to sitter etc.  He wasn't embarassed or even vaguely motivated by those situations. Our toddler has had multiple meals per day of milk and nothing else when he'd promised it was his turn to meal plan and shop. I stopped doing laundry and he wore dirty clothes and tshirts to a business casual office until I realized our dual income was at stake. He's willing to make our life as bleak, lonely, and disorganized as possible before exerting any effort of his own. He is perfectly competent at work and was very successful in areas of personal interest/ambition before we met (elite postcollegiate athlete, multiple grad degrees).

He makes me feel like neither I nor my daughter are worth the kind of effort he exerted for his own personal gain.[/quote]

I'm the PP with above suggestions. They worked for my XH but it was early in the marriage and no child, and he was very controlling so we split for different reasons.

I truly wish you the best. I can't propose divorce because it doesn't seem like there are many other deal breakers and you have a child.

The other thing which has been discussed here before, is to just emotionally detach and take care of your home and child as if you were a single parent. Go out and do social activities with friends, get the grocery and clean as if he's not there, and just find joy elsewhere. If possible hire help. Hi

For some this actually changes him as part of the issue is rebellion against being told what to do. Either way dropping the expectations can lift a burden off you.   Also meanwhile consider getting your own finances in order if possible separate them, in case and as a way of taking care of yourself.[/quote]

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