Reply to Accepting responsibility...ADHD or just ``bratty''

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Reply to "Accepting responsibility...ADHD or just ``bratty''"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Blaming is learned form of communication. You need to stop using that form of communication. It is passive aggressive.

Stop using blaming in your house.

Do you say to your H, &quot;we don't have eggs&quot; or do you say &quot;you forgot to get the eggs&quot;

You need to learn to communicate in your house without blaming. You son has learned that somebody has to be blamed.

The phone is lost... why to do you have to blame somebody for it being lost.&gt;&gt;

I think this is kind of pyschobabble. I teen gets angry about his phone missing and lashes out. For him it's a big deal -- why did this happen, someone has to be responsible. It may not be a mature response, but you can't assume it's learned communication from our house.[/quote]

communication methods are learned.

For example, "YOU" statements are learned, if your family uses the word "you" a lot, it is learned to talk that way. Count how many times you use you. if it is often, you may want to read bout you statements.

You didn't take out the trash. vs Please take out the trash

It's not psycho-babble ... communication is learned in business school, journalism, public relations, consulting... not in psychology class . Communication methodology is very important part of dealing with people and getting buy in.  [/quote]

12:44 here.  I can assure you that we do not assign blame in our house.  Yet, like the OP's DS, my DS blames everyone else for whatever he's lost, what he's annoyed by, what he's frustrated by....pretty much every one but himself.

And, saying 'you didn't take out the trash' isn't a blame statement.  In our house, it's a fact, a statement.  As in, 'You were to take out the trash before playing on your phone.  You didn't take out the trash.  You cannot play on your phone until you take out the trash.'[/quote]

Funny... I want my child to change but I am not willing to change... ADHD is not the only issue in your family.

Read this... Either accept you are part of the problem or accept the issues won't change until you do.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cui-bono/201211/are-i-statements-better-you-statements
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