Reply to 12-yo Boy Cried at Lunch

Forum Index » Tweens and Teens

Reply to "12-yo Boy Cried at Lunch"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well, first things first. Talk to him about the argument with the other boy and get to the bottom of it and make him feel heard and supported. Make it clear that you have his back no matter what. I understand your concern for him with regard to the crying, but don't let that override your initial concern for what actually transpired in the lunchroom. While you probably won't mean to, if you harp on the crying you'll just make him feel shame.   Does he cry out of frustration, anxiety, anger, sadness? What are his most common crying triggers? Some people cry easily, regardless of gender or age. If you are concerned that your child is being bullied, make it clear to your son that you want to know and that you will help. If he on social media? Does he have a phone with texting capabilities? If so, start monitoring those. [/quote]

Great advice!

First priority is making sure he knows you have his back.  You're interested in what he thinks and feels.  You're not going to criticize, judge or bury him in advice.  You're on his side and always happy to listen.  This has nothing to do with the crying.

Second priority is to help him talk about what happened once the dust settled.  Clearly he had a big surge of feelings -- What were those feelings?  What triggered them?  What does he think of it all now?  Would he have done anything differently or is he ok with how it went down?

If he's fine with it, I encourage you to be fine with it, too.  Some kids are totally able to roll with this stuff.  They're ok doing their own thing and are not as worried about what other kids think/do in response.

But if he's not fine -- if he's stressed out about crying and/or worried it will happen again -- offer to help.  To me, this is totally normal stuff.  How to deal with a surge of "big feelings".  Middle schoolers struggle with this ALL the time.  So do many adults.  Nothing wrong with big feelings.  The issue is how best to express them.  If he's ok with the crying, that's fine at this stage. He's twelve.  If not, help him learn to notice the feelings earlier -- as they're starting to build -- and then to slow things down so he's not overwhelmed and can CHOOSE how to express them in the way he wants (or CHOOSE to disengage from the situation until he can process his feelings.)[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics