Reply to How to accept when SO withdraws and "needs space"

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[quote=Anonymous]Just went to a communication class for work, but this applies to personal life.  For any given situation there are only four choices, you can do nothing (inaction is actually a conscious choice), leave, change your attitude/perspective, or change your behavior. He is dealing with whatever issue you guys discussed and you are dealing with his way of dealing with issues.

My DH likes to go silent and process a situation.  I have already analyzed a situation before I bring it up and will dwell on things until they are resolved.  Totally different ways.  What I've learned with him is that pushing won't get the issue resolved any faster and thru experience, my DH always comes back ready to talk and figure out what works for the both of us.  So although my instinct is talk thru it all now, time has shown me that my patience is rewarded while my impatience is not. Over time my behavior has changed.  Would a 2 month timeline work for me, probably not. Is there trust involved that I believe DH is committed to working things out and in turn that trust helps me be more patient - absolutely.

So look at the totality of your relationship.  If it's not worth you giving him this time to process/work thru, be honest and move on.  If the relationship is worth it to date, try to stay connected while letting him process the issue.  It's fair to let him know you are dissapointed you aren't getting to spend the entire weekend together but you understand he needs time think on the issue.  Maybe have a revisit in two weeks or so.  Not necessarily full answers but a sense where his head is at.  It is hard to explain but there is always that fine line between being understanding and being a martyr/like your wants never matter.  You don't want things tip  towards resentment on your part so you need to be honest with yourself and communicating with him.  I don't see you being happy with radio silence for a long time or constantly canceled plans for "his space" when you have such limited time to see him and rarely get overnight opportunities.   Be honest about your emotions along the way and be honest if you see a hint of it it sliding towards resentment on your part.  Let the chips fall where they may.  Either you will find balance with him or you find someone that will be better suited for you.[/quote]

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