Reply to "Let the anger go"

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Reply to ""Let the anger go""

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Allow yourself to have those feelings and ignore those who say to just let go.  I think it's forcing us to just let go that allows those feelings to have a stronger hold on us than ever.  As someone who was also abused by a family member who is still alive (so I can never completely be "free" of since I still have to hear about her), I constantly was told to "make a clean slate", "forgive & forget," "get over it."  Well, that set me up for abuse again and again.  And, finally I realized that I needed to forgive MYSELF -- I need to forgive myself for having rushes of feelings of sadness and fear when I did nothing wrong and was an innocent child.  When the feelings arise, which they do, I hug myself, give myself a long breath, and tell myself I am RIGHT to have those feelings and am doing nothing wrong.[/quote]

That's really nice.[b] I do think in the case of my parents what would help these feelings go away is a relationship that is parental and nurturing and fills those unmet needs.[/b] As an adult it's hard to find that, though, so I guess you have to learn to literally give it to yourself. Thanks.[/quote]

This is what you have to let go of. It's not just the anger at your parents. It's giving up on the idea that you can go back in time and have the parent/child/young adult/aging adult relationship that you missed. It's letting go of the idea that this relationship is essential to your wholeness as a human being, and starting to look at yourself as already whole. Maybe you can be that person for your own kids or someone else, but continuing to hope, and be angry that it isn't happening, is a recipe for allowing shitty people to shit all over your life now, too.

You have to decide to accept the fact the only person in this life you control is you, and that you have the power to make yourself happier.[/quote]

Keep a gratitude journal -- lots of proof that these work to change your thinking.  It's not easy and it's not overnight, but you really can completely change your entire view of your own life from a shitty one of an abused child who lost out on healthy parents to a great one of a loved spouse (as an example) or parent who gained on wonderful friends.  The more you focus on the amazing, the less the shitty has control over you.[/quote]

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