Reply to "Let the anger go"

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Reply to ""Let the anger go""

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I thought I had dealt with my anger. My parents have both passed. But now that my kid is in HS-it is all flooding back.  My father always harped on me about my grades, I was never good enough. Now I am perpetuating the negativity and am so stressed because my kid isn't doing as well as he could. It is ruining my health and our relationship. I am going to therapy to learn some skills, but I feel sick just thinking about my behavior.[/quote]

I went to therapy for a long time, and 90% of it was a waste of money and time (and really following her theories that I was secretly also physically abused even though I said again and again that it was 100% emotional!).  So, I'm pretty anti-therapy.  BUT, one thing that she taught me that I've held on to for all these years is that the fact that you recognize that you were abused is STEP one (in other words, you are breaking the cycle just by being able to know and say what happened to you -- many people black out, deny, downplay and refuse to admit the flaws in their childhood and parents -- even though we ALL have issues and that's normal).  The fact that you recognize in yourself when you do that same thing (versus denying it, downplaying it, or hiding it which is what many people do) is STEP two.  She says that STEP three is talking to someone.  (Obviously I was talking to her and that was costing money and time and dealing with her bad therapy skills, BUT her point was that I could talk to anyone.) My therapist encouraged me to reach out to my sister, who shared the experience and start talking to her and stop therapy.  That worked -- my sister and I are closer to ever, opening up about what we went through as children (we never had talked about it before that point), and being there for each other (and my sister obviously knows there wasn't physical abuse so I don't have to deal with psycho theories from therapists looking for non-existent issues).  You can go to therapy but don't use a shitty therapist as a reason not to open up to someone you trust.[/quote]

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