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[quote=Anonymous]I am an adoptee raised in a Jewish home. I was adopted at 7 days old- so I knew nothing else. I am not young, so all this went down many years ago. I do not look the part at all, and yes, it was an issue growing up. There were two issues- that it was obvious that I was adopted, and the the Jewish thing. The Jewish thing  was really more of an issue because of course, my parents' generation were children from the old country (1st generation or immigrants)  or lost their  family members  in the Holocaust. During my childhood, there was very little intermarriage, and socializing was very homogenous as well. Our entire neighborhood was Jewish and my extended family lived in Jewish neighborhoods along the east coast.

I was schooled in day schools and was and then after school cheders, but I really was singled out and, many times, overtly snubbed- even before I could understand why. Hebrew school was taught largely by the Orthodox in the area, and bloodlines were,and still are very very important to them- bloodlines and family lines are integral to that culture. Of course, I was too young to  understand why I was being ostracized and excepted from things- it was palpable but a child would have to understand the whole idea of culture, religion, ethnicity, and the way people looked vis a vis their ethnicity. I didn't know anything but my world.  My refection in the mirror did provide a huge disconnect. In my mind, I looked different than what was in front of me.

My family and their extended families, and many of their contemporaries slowly became Conservative, and many more became Reform over a long period of years,but the insular factor remained. My parents, and my friends' parents worked diligently to instill that culture imperative- friendships outside of the religion were discouraged, dating outside was verboten entirely. My parents were highly educated, yet said things about "the goyim" to make sure we understood there was "us"  and they were "them."  As a teenager, it occurred to me one quiet afternoon that I was actually "them." The "them" that was not approved of, not chosen, not  socialized with. It was a poignant moment that ushered in a rush of realization about everything. Of course, my parents' generation believed in kind of the tabula rasa theory- that all is wiped clean with paper work- once you were adopted that meant you were what your family was.  When I would ask what I was, they  said  " You are  Russian/Polish of course!"   I was  NOT what I  was- ever. And some of that was designed to be a security for the child-that this was their world and that the child belonged  here and nowhere else. But-let's face it, paperwork is paperwork and nothing else. Oh yeah, I was all "converted" as a toddler in a conservative conversion. Water is water, and nothing else.  
I was an easygoing kid, no emotional issues that were played out because of this or anything. I was not rebellious. My first big crush at school  (in high school) was  not Jewish and my parents went into a tailspin. It was a horrible thing I had done. It was so ridiculous.

So here's the thing: It's many years later. Intermarriage is very prevalent- my friends married whomever they wanted- we opened the possibility of such) and  have kids of all colors, and their kids have kids of all colors and ethnicities.  They practice a range of Judaism in terms of observance.  I think you are that age- in your 30s.  Reform and Conservative Judaism is very inclusive- they aren't dwelling in bloodline issues.  The orthodox, however, still are, and it's just as intense as it ever was, so if you are Orthodox, stop reading here. It's a whole other ballgame. The posters above who are wondering about why you are thinking about religion do not understand how Judaism works- how culture, religion, ethnicity,and appearance all interplay.

Adopt your baby. If you are raising your family as Jewish- fine. But you are raising your child in a RELIGION- nothing you do can change his/her genetic line and that was what was missing in previous generations- the acceptance of such.  The child's culture and race, if it is different, should not be sublimated or dismissed. You can do both. And I'm not just  referring to  race. You might be brown eyed and brown haired,and your child might be a tow head with blue eyes.  Yes, deal with that as perfectly normal,and that yeah, we all know- you, the child, the world, that this was not a biological event, but a family event. Put it RIGHT OUT THERE in a non-dramamtic way...and take that elephant out of the room. In the end your child will choose his religion, but his  ethnicity should  always be there, and yes, he will know that the two conflict in ways that are  not always culturally pure, but he will have plenty of company.  And he can be Korean, Irish, or whatever and still be Jewish as an adult if he wants to.

Me? I am culturally Jewish, however in practicing the dogma - well, not so much. When i go to synagogue for any reason, people stop to overly "explain" things to me- so, even now I still do not look the part. It cracks my husband up.  But-  for not being religious- I think that would have been me no matter where I landed. I am an iconoclast by nature. Yeah, I married a goy.  He speaks more Yiddish now than most people I know. My kids- who are YOUR age- have not a drop of Jewish blood (we've done the genetic tests)  yet when asked, always  say " Jewish."

I've met many of my biological relatives. They look like me, they have the same sense of humor as me, and I like them- but they aren't my family. My family are the people that raised me- the culture I have is how I was raised, my world perspective  is all that I know. But it would have been very nice to have that elephant in the room acknowledged instead of denigrated....it would have made all the difference. Different time-different generation. You really have nothing to be concerned about. [/quote]

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