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[quote=Anonymous]You either have a friend with benefits during non-custodial time ans never introduce your kids or you seek a man who wants to be a step father.

A year or so  after  my divorce I did option one for a year. I wasn't going to interrupt my child's adjustment nor my personal growth process by seeking a "replacement" family.

Later I dated someone who seemed to want us to try option two. We dated on our own for six months with option two in mind before deciding to start option two, at which point I told my XH we were doing this and then introduced BF and child in low-pressure situations such as get togethers with other friends and play mates. It went well and we built from there. They liked each other and my them-BF wanted to be a husband and step father and we built toward that. Did they "love" each other immediately? No more than I "loved" my boyfriend right away. But they liked each other and he committed to be a parental figure in her life, and their bond did grow into real love.

Today she trusts him more than her father. He's a better listener and more patient. Dad is still dad though.

This was all a process. It takes even more planning and commitment than starting a family from scratch. It doesn't just happen because you'd like it to.

As for the unsupported assertion that no one can love someone else's "brats," I'm sorry your capacity for love is so limited and your sense of the world is so cynical. Our experience and the experience of many friends with open adoptions or successful blended families is real and impeotant.

It's also not OP's situation apparently. 
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