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[quote=Anonymous]I grew up with a SAHM, and she struggles in the world more than some - she has phobias, she was always overprotective of us, she's sheltered, and she could never deal with my emotions and struggled unless they were tangible (like a friend in HS who had cancer).

She did and still does struggle with hygiene - I've never seen her take a shower. Ever. She probably wipes herself down with a washcloth, I don't know, and growing up I remember her washing her hair in the sink sometimes. Her BO isn't as bad as it could be - she uses deodorant and also smokes, which probably masks it. My dad also doesn't really shower, though he might have when I was growing up.

Growing up in that environment, I couldn't learn any differently. In HS I probably showered once a week, and this certainly didn't help the fact that I was struggling with undiagnosed depression. But I thought it was normal. Once we were older, my mom, who still does not work, didn't see the need to care about how she looks because she didn't see people all that often.

I really struggled in college until I started dating my now-husband junior year, and I could see the more normal rhythm of hygiene of adults in the world. There's probably a claim to be made that Americans bathe too much, but there certainly is a minimum level our society has deemed acceptable.

This long answer is all to say it's no wonder your niece doesn't know any better. My sister, who is 11 years younger than me and just moved back home after college, has progressed a little but I was never able to figure out how to help her. We see each other only a couple of times a year and I know she hates it when I spend that time trying to push her to change.

I feel for everyone here, including you, but at some point you're unable to change people. I like the advice to speak to your niece frankly but compassionately when she is at your home, but until you suss out the why, it's tough to just say clean up without it still being a problem. [/quote]

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