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[quote=Anonymous]
OP,

I suspect that your sister has debilitating abandonment anxiety and that is why she is controlling her daughter in this way, so that her daughter is made completely dependent on her and repellent to others so she will never leave her mother.

The long-term solution is to help your niece be self-reliant and eventually help her to move out. For example, your niece could be persuaded to stay with you WITHOUT her mother, and you could show her how to keep herself clean, how to do laundry and cook and keep house and go out and do things.

My mother had some of these tendencies, stemming from a deep but apparently unconscious need to keep me from ever leaving her: she forbade me from going out with my (very well-behaved) friends, she didn't want me to lift a finger in the house, she bought me extra-large clothes and then threw a fit and called me a whore when I bought a tank top and shorts and wore this outfit outside of the house.

My aunts tried to help me, to no avail, because I was socially isolated, had too little self-esteem and was too afraid to go it alone. I do remember their attempts with gratitude, and if you try to help your niece, I'm sure she will thank you for it, whatever happens.

Result - I escaped my mother's house at 20 to live with my boyfriend across the Atlantic. I now hold my mother at arm's length. We see each other once a year for one to two weeks, and in that time span she manages to get on everybody's nerves, even my young kids'.[/quote]

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