Reply to please tell me about living accommodations during separation--"sharing" your home and a rental?

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Reply to "please tell me about living accommodations during separation--"sharing" your home and a rental?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I've had a few friends divorce but in all the cases it has been dual income so I am not sure how SAHM changes the picture.  I agree with PP to talk to a lawyer because there can be financial implications.

-I had friend that tried the nesting route for awhile as a transition.  The parents alternated living in a small apartment while the kids stayed in the house. They did this for a little bit and all that really did was buy some time to work out a divorce settlement and give a little breathing room.  It wasn't sustainable for the long term for them and they still had to work out the financial details before actually divorcing.  If you tried nesting, realistically though, you would be SAHP sometimes living in the apartment, sometimes living on the house as you tried to find a job.  On his mornings for childcare, he would be repsonsible for getting the kids off in the morning even if he choose to hire someone to help.  I get what you are saying that financially it doesn't make sense for him to pay someone if you are available but realistically he can't depend on you to do stuff with the kids during his time and vice versa.  If you are divorced and have the kids that night and that was the night of something that wasn't flexible that required you to get a babysitter, you don't call up your ex and expect him to cover.  maybe he is willing to switch days, maybe not.

-So in the who stays and who goes, one of my friends said "don't get stuck on the idea that you have to stay in the house".  I'm not saying that you take just anything to get out the marriage, rather that you don't make staying in the house a sticking point where it actually holds up you being able to get out of a bad relationship. One situation they sold the house, split the proceeds and each rented a smaller house.  Another the DH stayed in the house, mom found a 3 bedroom apartment and DH bought her out the house.  The other the DH found a 3 bedroom apartment, and the wife had to buy him out the house.  Being a SAHP, I am not sure if you wanted to stay in the house how you would buy your husband out of his half.  Would it be a negotatition where you give up claim to part of his retirement or negotiate with your share of other assets?  Would you be able to do some sort of agreement where you buy him ou in a set amount of time like 2 years and could be afford to wait that long?

-In most cases it was joint custody so the idea of your DH getting an apartment close to work and leaving you in the house doesn't work unless he is content to only see the kids on the weekends and for you to have primary custody.  For most of my friends their ex actually did step up more once they divorced and had joint custody.  Also with 4 kids and true 50/50 custody, for your DH to be involved he would need to stay close by. I think what PP are negatively reacting to is you can't expect your DH to downsize his life, let you stay in the house, and take less involvement  (when he has decent involvement given his job and an hour commute) with his children for a divorce you are initiating. That's crazy.  I can also see your point that you sacrificed your career for the family and at the time he wanted you to stay at home with the kids.  So your reward shouldn't be barely seeing your kids in a studio apartment just to get out of the marriage.  But basically if you can't figure out a way to work things out and stay married the only fair solution (from my non-legal background) would be no one gets what they want and you sell the house and move to a neighborhood where you both can afford to rent unless someone can figure out how to buy the other person out of the house.[/quote]

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