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[quote=Anonymous]Special needs mom here.

Suppose your fiancee were totally on board that he had more than just a quirky kid.  Together you and he recognized that his son had a real disorder and brought him for testing and the son was diagnosed with Syndrome X.  Hallelujah!

Now it's six months later and you are married and at another family party.  Your stepson is once again making his loud quirky noises, telling his inappropriate stories, and doing his inappropriate quirky things. But, you say to yourself, we brought him to a team of experts!  We have him on a schedule of intensive therapy for Syndrome X!  We are taking him to the best!  He is taking Vitamin Complex ABBABABA!  His father and I are both totally on board and are a united front as to his needs, therapeutic goals, and treatment plan!  What the what what!

What is it you want here, OP? If you expect something to change in this picture just because your fiancee has a realization his son is quirky (or has ASD, or whatever), that's not going to happen.

You're new to this scene, or relatively so.  You bring with you the hope and the expectation and the frankly, naivete, that if everyone just opens their eyes and accepts and gets on board that Mr. Quirky needs treatment and therapy, he's going to get the help he so desperately needs!  You know, like a kid with the measles, we will rush him to the ER just in time.

ASD (or whatever) doesn't work like that.  Mr. Quirky is going to be Mr. Quirky for the rest of his life.  So make a decision.  Either sign on board for family parties that involve weird noises, inappropriate stories and games, or get lost.  That's your choice.  You are investing all your energy into "waking up" dad.  Dad knows the score.  He's lived all his life with Mr. Quirky.[/quote]

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