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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, while I'm sympathetic to the problem you describe with the DS, I am really turned off by how easily you want to blame the mom and how casually you talk about fighting for custody.  Your "concern" comes off as thinly veiled antagonism for the bioMom.

I think you have no understanding of how difficult it is to raise a child with special needs, even if they seem to be "mild" in the sense of "just" lack of social pragmatic awareness.

You would be much better off picturing yourself as part of a team effort that fully includes the Mom.  Does she need more money to take the kid to get evaluated?  Do you realize that a full psycho-ed or neuropsych evaluation costs between 3-5000 dollars and is almost always not reimbursable by health insurance?  Let's say the neuropsych found that the child had a social pragmatic deficit and could benefit from social pragmatic therapy and friendship-making groups.  This also costs thousands and is largely un-reimbursable.  Do you have any idea how easily schools are willing to blame issues like highly functional autism or learning disabilities on "emotional" issues or "bad parenting" instead of providing families with real help?  Do you know how difficult it is to make a kid go to school, especially if they are anxious, depressed or having trouble with bullying or boredom?  My DD has depression, and if I didn't know that and write medical excusal notes saying she's sick, she'd probably have a truancy letter also.  Do you know how hard it is to be a parent fighting the school system on these issues?  Especially if the other parent has been checked out or is on a different page in terms of supporting education?

Educate yourself.  Assume all parents are doing the best they can and make it clear that you want to work with them as a team and are not telling them what to do but offering to help in whatever way is best.  [/quote]

This, this, this. Your fiancé sounds completely checked out. Not on email lists, and doesn't know his son is missing school and homework. Sounds like he is totally disengaged and everything is on mom's shoulders.[/quote]

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