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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He said he was bullied already, but I didn't push him on the details because he moved on to another subject before I had a chance. When he comes over, he talks to me a lot, more than his dad. He tells me about being anxious about new people/situations and all about the video games he plays and his favorite You Tubers. He talks about what goes on at his mom's house. Things that happen at school or when he visits his maternal grandma, etc. And then I relay some of this back to my fiance, because some of it is, I think, worrisome.

I am hoping that it's just because it's his son that he gets defensive, and that if it's OUR child, he wouldn't feel like I'm attacking, since it's ours together? If that makes any sense.

But I get the overall point, of him just not wanting to deal with big problems and go about his life as though they don't exist, and I'm gonna be left holding the bag.

[b]He's not over at our house enough for us to make a real difference in his life that I think could help this. [/b]We (I) do what we can on the weekends and when she lets us get him during the week. I think it would be good for him to fight custody, but I'm not about to suggest that and open that can of worms that could potentially blow up in his face.[/quote]

You haven't mentioned what his mom thinks of this situation and what she is doing for him. Do not just assume what your fiance says about her and her actions are true. It's possible she is pursing help for him and has a very different environment and set of rules for him at home.  If your fiance fails to see the issues, he may have failed to go to doctors appts, counselor appts, school meetings bc he felt there was no problem so no need to attend.

When your fiance spends time with his son it is easier and better for him if things go smoothly and his DS stays happy so to avoid issues and confrontations he just ignores inappropriate behavior.  It could be that his son is doing these kind of things just to actually get his dad's attention.

Divorce is really tough on kids. Remarriage is too and kids can regress emotionally for a little while.

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She babies him. Does everything for him, like he didn't know how to make himself a bowl of cereal, she brushes his hair, can't go get something for himself, things like that. I think these are things someone going into middle school should do for themselves. And when I'm around, I make him do it himself, and talk him through it if he needs help.

I definitely haven't approached her about this (she hasn't liked me since I started dating my fiance) and I doubt he has either since he doesn't really see it as a problem.

What I do know is there was an issue at his school last year that involved excessive missed school and missing grades/homework that escalated into a trip to the principals office. And his mom blamed the teachers. And the situation was 100% her fault because she wasn't getting him to school. To the point of a truancy letter. So, I think she'd get more defensive than my fiance if someone suggested there is something wrong with her son, since she couldn't even take responsibility for something everyone knew was her fault. (In this situation, my fiance had to go to his school and request all the records, and ask to be included on the email list and have everything mailed to our address too so he could know what was going on, since we had no idea and she lies about things.)

The more I write about this, the worse this sounds. And there are so many more little things. I really don't want to make light of this situation, I should "cut and run"...but I do love him and his son.[/quote]

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