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[quote=Anonymous]Ugh...ok, two thoughts: I have some family members who are, I believe, on the spectrum, with some undiagnosed serious issues...they result in those immediate family members have serious social tone-deafness.  They are basically a-holes.  It is MISERABLE to live with and I spend as little time as possible with them now (almost complete estranged from one because I no longer have the ability to ignore and patiently endure the behavior in person).

I was married to someone with a child slightly older than your future step-son; he had some issues but they weren't of this nature (he is quite social/charming - a really nice guy - but a boomerang of the worst kind).  I was never put in the "step parent" position, which was just dandy with all of us, but I can tell you that trying to live with such a person did impact my life, considerably, and his mother's unwillingness to acknowledge or consider my concerns was a huge part of what killed our relationship.

I have to agree 100% with others who say you should put the wedding plans on ice until you see that your fiance is out of denial and proactively trying to address his son's issues...because when those issues are a problem for you, and your fiance gives you that same "what problems? He's fine" and blows you off, it's going to dynamite your marriage.

You probably ought to do some long hard thinking on your own about whether or not you can really live with someone like his son regardless of the above - and do not be in denial either.  This is not one of those things where people "get better" or "grow out of it".  [/quote]

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