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[quote=Anonymous]I sort of agree with the poster upthread who reads this as OP micromanaging their relationship and undermining her DH.  If DS and DH have a shitty relationship, that's between them.  But you telling your husband that he needs to be a better parent is not helping him (no shit he's defensive.  You are right that he's an asshole, but it's not like anyone is going to take the "you are a terrible parent be more like me" lecture meekly.  That is going to be pretty hard for anyone to hear).

And you telling DS how sad it is that DH won't do what DS wants is also not helping the situation.  You are making their relationship with one another about their relationship with you, rather than leading them back to one another and offering support to work it out.  When DH says, "I can take DS to his game," you tell him how awesome that is and how you are sure he and DS will enjoy some good bonding time.  Hey, there will be X hours after the game.  What could they do to fill the time?  Golf?  Gee, it's a shame DS can't play.  Do you think he will mind having to stand around and watch his dad golf all afternoon?  Then don't say anything else.  Plant the seed and let him figure it out.

When DS calls you to say "Dad's such a jerk," you need to say, "Boy. You sound so upset.  Does Dad know how you feel?  Did you tell him why you were made clearly and calmly?  He can't fix a problem you haven't clearly explained, y'know!  Good luck!  I am sure the two of you can work it out!"

Offer a little nudge, then back off, rather that trying to engineer every interaction.  DH sees the puppet strings and resents them.  DS sees them and thinks, "Mom doesn't believe I can have a relationship with Dad."  Your help is not currently helpful.[/quote]

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