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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Clear, understandable expectations that are known to the child such as:

*Tell us where you are going, who you are with, and what adult will be supervising

*Curfew is at dinnertime (6:30) unless you get direct permission to miss dinner at least one day in advance.

*Acheive grades of A- (or above)

*We (the parents) should know your friends, their parents, and siblings prior to setting up times (outside of organized activities) to hang out. We have ultimate say in whether we allow you to hang out with them, for how long, and doing what.

Combined with well defined, well known punishment:

*Grounding for between 1 and 5 days for either missing curfew, or not letting us know your plans in a timely manner.

*Removal from house for drug addiction

Also, keeping teens busy is equally important. We (the parents) make our teen's schedule, they can plan around it, but we schedule their days. Our goal is less then 1 hour free time a day, not always possible, but it has worked for us in the past. Sports are great, music, other organized activities. The less free time they have the less time they have to develop a marijuana addiction. Furthermore, friends met during these organized activities are more likely to pass our (the parents) muster then some sleazy, greasy-hair skaterpunk who spends his days just hangin' at the local park.

Another thing is that we have always set a good example. When my oldest (now 22) was born, we stopped drinking alcohol (period). We tried to show our kids (and teens) healthy relationships. We also gave them an in-depth talk about the dangers of addiction, truency, etc very early on.

Our kids hated the rules. Didn't understand why they couldn't just walk to their friends house and hang out all the time without telling me. Or why I insisted on an adult being present all the time. Truth is, as a social worker who works with youth (many of whom abuse drugs and alcohol) I have seen the world and know the dangers more then them. We are in the middle of a marijuana epidemic right now, I would say a vast majority of youth have at the very least experimented with Marijuana (and other drugs), with a good number succumbing to addiction to marijuana.

Ultimately, now that my kids are growing older (22, 20, and 16) they are starting to understand. My 22 year old actually thanked me last time he was home, as we were celebrating him getting his first professional job. He said how going to college, and watching so many of his peers struggle with serious physical dependence on marijuana, alcohol, and tobacco showed him how hard it must have been to do the right thing for him, and that he appreciated everything we did for him.

And that's the thing. Its not easy to keep your kids from fucking their lives up. Its changed from when we were kids, when only the absolute trashiest losers did drugs, you would be shocked. Kids with happy, healthy families are smoking weed, shooting dope, drinking booze by the gallon. Kids whose parents have no idea, because they are stuck in the 1980s when smart, well brought up kids simply had no desire to ruin their body with addictive drugs.   [/quote]

I don't  even know where to start with this.
As for your 22 year old thanking you , well some people thank  their parents for spanking them too.
Your kids are still pretty young it might be too early to pat yourself on the back,but even if they all hit 30s and are okay I'm going to say that is in spite of you not because of  you.

I see major long term relationship issues for your kids.
[/quote]

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